Another hotel room that isn't quite accessible. Another round of adaptations. In some rooms I can do this ... in other rooms I can do that ... in rare rooms I can do both. This time we came down a day early so that Joe and I could have a quiet day together. We don't get many of those so we were looking forward to it. When I saw the room, I knew that there were going to be some real problems. I also knew, from hearing the front desk answer a phone call, that the hotel was sold out. So there was no possibility that we could get another room.
Yesterday morning I tried to do a routine thing and almost fell. Almost to the point that my hear beat wildly in my chest as I grabbed for a bar while praying it would hold. It did. Today, I decided not to do that thing and to do something, not as good but at least possible. I'm here now, ready to go to work.
None of this I told Joe.
None.
He won't know until this mornings drive to the venue about the near fall. He won't know about the adaptations and the decisions I made. Like, I decided not to speak to anyone at the hotel about the problems with the room. Which is something I always do.
Why?
Because our day would have become completely about the room and the issues and the problems. And so, I kept my mouth glued shut.
Because sometimes I want him, I want us, to come first. We planned this day. We looked forward to it. And we had a wonderful day. Together.
Now it's work time, now I'll fess up, but only because I'm telling you, and I don't talk behind his back.
Sometimes, my disability needs to take a back seat to my marriage.
And yesterday, it did.
You know how to deal with these things. Get to work.
ReplyDeleteSaying it out loud on the blog is a good idea. The truth that you made this choice (one that we all make) and that there were risks involved to it, could morph into shame if kept always in the dark.
ReplyDeleteGlad your guardian angels kept you from falling, Dave.
Hope that your next lodgings are just the way you like them to be!
Glad you have the option.
ReplyDeleteAnd I also assume that if it's important for Joe to know these things, you will tell him - at an appropriate time.
And your judgement is solid about timing, so you can afford to take a few chances for a greater purpose.
I love it when you give us these little views into a happy long-term marriage.
Welcome to marriage. My disability comes second to my marriage every single day. Otherwise because of its scope it would be front and centre every single day. Yes, it is "our" disability, just like people say "we are pregnant", but it really is my issue that someone else is affected by. So the choice to keep my mouth shut unless a issue of safety is made constantly. It is not all about me, it is about us.
ReplyDelete