Welcome
to the Wedding Ceremony for Joe Jobes and Dave Hingsburger
What
follows is an annotated guide to the service. The bits written in italics
explain why we chose what we chose and what we hoped to achieve.
Pre service music:
Hikari Oe – Hikari is a Japanese composer with an intellectual disability. His
music is proof that talent has no favourites and that someone who others might
dismiss, actually has deep insight and understanding. We chose this music
because we love it and because we wanted to share, through this music, our
belief in the value and worth of all.
Flowers: for
those of you interested in flowers, we attempted in our own little way to make
a slightly short rainbow so use your imagination and you’ll see a floral
rainbow, if you REALLY use your imagination you’ll see unicorns too … but if
you do, it’s probably best not to drive after the ceremony.
Accessibility:
In many wedding services people are asked to stand at various points in the
ceremony. People in wheelchairs and children become lost in a sea of legs and
cannot see what’s going on. For this service, we invite you to sit back and
relax, you won’t be asked to stand at any point of the ceremony.
Clergy performing the service: The Reverend Doctor Brent Hawkes has known us for decades and we were
fortunate to have him agree to perform the ceremony. Brent is one of the most
recognized leaders of the LGBT community. His uncompromising vision and his
strong voice has provided leadership on a myriad of topics. His leadership of
the issue of same sex marriage was invaluable. In many ways, what is happening
today, is as a result of Brent’s work.
Announcements: Rev. Dr. Brent Hawkes
PROCESSIONAL: Pride and Joy – Draw The Circle Wide –
perhaps the finest hymn to inclusion ever
written. We chose this hymn after hearing it sung in church a couple of weeks
ago. Its simple melody is perfect accompaniment for words that express that we
all, as a society, need to ‘draw the circle wide’ – wide enough to bring
welcome to those who have lived without privilege and power.
WELCOME TO THE PEOPLE
Welcome! On
behalf of Joe Jobes and Dave Hingsburger, we welcome you to this ceremony. We are here today to celebrate the love they
share with each other. Let us rejoice in that love, for love is of God. By our presence here we accept responsibility
for helping this couple and encouraging them in the new relationship into which
they are about to enter. We are called
to rejoice in their happiness, to help them when they are challenged and to
remember them in our prayers.
PRAYER OF INVOCATION
O God, you are the creator of all
things; you made us and you sustain us. We
depend on you. For the gift of
life, we praise you. For being able to think about
its meaning and purpose we thank
you. In a world without, and our lives within,
there is much that is confusing
and contradictory. Many voices counsel us; many
forces pressure us; many things
tempt us. We need your light to lead us, your
hand to hold us and your love to complete us.
We ask for your blessing now on
this couple and on this ceremony in your many
names. Amen
Rev. Dr. Hawkes: We will now have the 1st Reading.
Ruby and Sadie: From
the children’s book ‘Four Feet Tall’ … this reading follows an incident wherein
Peter’s dog was badly hurt when protecting someone from bullying and teasing:
Peter lay on his belly and began to talk. He talked
to Eric about the winding trails behind the house. He talked about swimming at
the creek. He reminded Eric about the day they met. Eric’s look gradually
changed. It was as if Peter’s words were taming him all over again. The tone of
Peter’s voice was weaving sounds and memories together and Eric listened
intently falling slowly under their spell. Just as Peter was telling Eric about
a special treat he would make for him, peanut butter on a chewy bone, Eric rose
to a crouch and slowly crawled towards him.
There, underneath Peter’s mother’s desk, the two
made peace with each other. Eric touched his nose to Peter’s nose and then lay
down, noses still touching. Peter reached out and slowly stroked Eric’s ear
touching the dog more gently than he had ever touched anything in his life.
For those few moments Peter understood how special
love was between two very different animals. The bond was strong, but was never
to be taken for granted. Eric’s love towards him was unconditional. He had
always known that. But that day he learned that while Eric would always love
him, his trust had to be earned every day.
SPECIAL MUSIC: Pride and Joy: Seasons of Love – This song from Rent speaks to how we live
our days and what makes for a life. After living together for 24,177,600
minutes, which translates into 46 years, we realize that moments build into a
lifetime and this song expresses that for us.
Rev. Dr. Hawkes: We will now have a 2nd reading.
Desmond Bailey Reading: A Reading from the Book of
Dave Loves Joe: Verse 1 to the end.
Many of you here will know that Joe and I have long
supported marriage rights for LGBTQA people, but had made the decision not to
marry. We’d been together 36 years then and it felt a little late. We had
wanted the support of church and family – then.
We didn’t need it now. We felt that committing ourselves after 36 years was
suggesting that our relationship before blessing was somehow less holy, less
honourable, less worthy. We began our relationship in a time of hatred, and
bias and bigotry. We began living together when our relationship was met with
hostility and we lived in fear of lost jobs, lost friends, lost opportunities.
We didn’t want that part of our journey dishonoured.
But, here we are today. Getting married. So what
changed?
It’s because of a moment in Timothy’s coffee shop in
the Manulife Centre. I had picked up my
tea and turned my chair to face Joe. And I saw him. Really saw him. And there
was not a word for him. And because there was no word, he, in time, will not
exist in relationship to me. And I will not exist in relationship to him. This
was wrong.
When I was a little boy, I realized I was gay at a
very young age. I wonder if anyone can truly understand the sense of aloneness
a child feels when they know, and know deeply, that they are different from
their family, they are different from their friends, they are different from
their teachers. And no matter how hard little eyes search, there is no relief
from the sense of being utterly alone.
One of the first relationship words I learned was
“husband.” I loved that word as a little boy but I knew my thoughts were
dangerous. A ‘husband’ was a man who
fell in love and got married to the person he loved. I knew that word did not
belong in my hopes and wishes but it was never banished from my dreams. Other
boys wanted to be firemen and police officers – me, I wanted to be less alone.
I wanted a husband. I wanted a man who loved me. “Husband” - I would curl up
inside the word, and I would feel safe there. “Husband” – I would wrap the word
around me like a blanket and feel the warmth of hope.
But those were a little boy’s dreams.
And the world was very, very good at stamping out
the dreams of lonely boys who wanted to find and love other lonely boys.
Even when Joe and I met and fell in love, in 1969,
we were assaulted with words like ‘gear boxes,’ and ‘poofs’ and ‘queers’ the
word ‘husband’ was shoved aside by hate filled words.
But in that moment in Timothy’s with a cup of tea in
my hand, as I looked at Joe, I saw my husband.
It felt like that little boy woke up from a long nap
to find he wasn’t alone.
HE WASN’T ALONE.
And he wants to claim the word.
He wants to shout the word back at all those who
bullied him, battered him and called him names. “I am who I am, and I have a
husband that loves me.”
Joe is part of my journey as I am part of his. He
will be my husband and I will be his.
We will exist in language.
Today we will make the word real.
And because of that we will always exist in
relationship to each other.
Special Music: Pride and Joy -Though I Speak – we chose this hymn because we both love the
passage in the Bible that it is taken from. It is important to note that though
gender is mentioned in the passage, it is never mentioned in relationship to
the definition of love. This remarkable passage suggests that love is
independent of gender, of status, of race, of level of ability, and therefore a
completely inclusive emotion.
Rev. Dr. Hawkes:
COMMENTS
LEGAL ADMONITION AND QUESTIONS
Joseph Victor Jobes and David James Hingsburger you
have made it known that you want to be joined in marriage, and no one has shown
any valid reason why you may not. If
either of you know any lawful impediment why you should not be married you are
now to declare it.
Joe, Do you take Dave to be your lawful wedded husband?
Answer: I do.
Dave,
Do you take Joe to be your lawful wedded husband?
Answer:
I do.
THE VOWS
(Joe and I have opted not to exchange vows.
Everything we wrote sounded as if it was for ‘show’ and we wanted no artifice
in the ceremony. Notice we are both wearing clothes that we have worn every
wonderfully ordinary day of our lives. This ceremony is preceded by the vow
made by living and loving each other for 46 years. Really, is there a vow that
covers the moment when you help your spouse, desperately sick with the flu, on
to the toilet and as you give them a supportive hug, you feel vomit running
down your back? That’s marriage stripped of pretty words.)
BLESSING AND EXCHANGE OF RINGS
Let
us pray:
Loving
God, we offer you these rings, these creations of metal, which we have taken
from the earth. We ask that you will
bless these rings, that they may signify the bond of love and unity that is
expressed here today… AMEN
Dave, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise
to continue our life of love and care, honour and trust throughout the rest of
our lives together.
Joe, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise
to continue our life of love and care, honour and trust throughout the rest of
our lives together.
SIGNING OF THE DOCUMENTS – Pride and Joy – reprise:
Draw the Circle Wide
DECLARATION
For as much as Joe Jobes and Dave Hingsburger have
made this solemn covenant of marriage before God and all of us here, by virtue
of the power vested in me by the Ontario Marriage Act, I hereby declare them to
be joined together as husbands, partners in life, in your many Names, Amen
PRAYER OF BLESSING/BENEDICTION
O God, Creator of us all, we thank you for the gift
of life- and in life, for the gift of marriage. We praise you and thank you for
all the joys that can come to us through marriage, and the blessings of home
and family. Today we especially think of Dave and Joe as they begin their life
together as husbands.
We thank you for the joy they find in each other. Give
them strength to keep the vows they have made and cherish the love they share,
that they may be faithful and devoted to each other. Help them to support each
other with patience, understanding and honesty. Look with favour, God, on all
our homes. Let your Spirit so direct all
of us that we may each look to the good of others in word and deed, and grow in
grace as we advance in years; in your many Names, AMEN.
God’s
blessing will go before you and God will keep you. God’s face will shine upon
you and be gracious unto you. God will grant you peace. In your going out and
in your coming in, in your lying down and your rising up, in your labour and in
your leisure, in your laughter and in your tears. Until that day when there is
no dawning and no sunset, no death and no disease. Go now rejoicing that God
loves you.
PRESENTATION
I now
present to you Dave and Joe, partners in life; duly married in the eyes of God
and in accordance with the laws of our Land.
THE KISS!!!
RECESSIONAL – Pride and Joe – Celebration
THE RECEPTION:
Please feel free to join us in the social hall for
cupcakes and tea and coffee. The
reception has been catered by the members served by Vita Community Living
Services. They take extreme pride in the work they do and that shows in the
quality of their work. Enjoy!!
Beautiful. So happy for you both!
ReplyDeleteDave and Joe
ReplyDeleteWishing you Love, Light and Joy on your Special Day! I am many miles away from you today, but with you both in Spirit!
I have my candle lighting for you both now!
Comhghairdeas
Le Gra
Linda ( LinMac) in Dublin, Ireland
Beautiful. I can't stop crying. It gives me hope. I'm a queer autistic girl labeled with mental illness (not necessarily in that order). Perhaps I too can find someone to connect with in all of the ways you have made manifest throughout your lives together that are being represented today. :)
ReplyDelete--Littlewolf
Congratulations! And thank you for sharing your wedding so openly. Absolutely beautiful!
ReplyDeleteDave, what a beautiful wedding you and Joe had today. I was so happy thinking about you this morning, that the weather was perfect!
ReplyDeleteI bought a wedding card today for a young friend and her intended. How fortunate these young women are, that they can marry and not wait many long years to do so, or to not be allowed to take this step. Sarah's parents are loving and supportive, and their wedding is very soon!
I am happy for them both, and for you two who are now married.
Sincerely,
samm in Welland
Congratulations to you both. Thank you for sharing with us all.
ReplyDeleteGina
Spent the day traveling in Oregon...got off the road and came to your website....was thinking of you both and your wedding while I was driving through lovely mountains framing deep blue skies...and said a prayer for many long and happy days together. We celebrate our 35th anniversary later this summer...you are right, after living life together for a few decades there really are no words to express the ties you have forged. The explanation of why you and Joe chose to get married...thank you for explaining...I
ReplyDeleteThis was simply beautiful. Congratulations to both of you, and thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteOh Happy Day!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and Salutations to you, Dave and to Joe on your Wedding Day!
Blessings to two beautiful people. My heart is full of joy. May yours be too, for many, many years and weeks and days and hours and minutes and seconds. May your love be a steadfast beacon for each other, as it has been in the past.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you both.
Dave, Joe, congratulations.
ReplyDeleteWishing you both the best life has to offer, today and always. The music from rent was inspiring.
ReplyDelete