Yesterday Joe and I ran into a fellow with an intellectual disability downtown. We hadn't seen him in in a few years. When we told him, in answer to his question, "What's new?" that we were getting married, we were given the warmest wishes and the most sincere congratulations. He's a cool guy, in truth I wondered how he would react to the announcement of our upcoming nuptials, and he became even cooler as he demonstrated that he approached us with no prejudice or judgement. I could see that Joe was really moved by what he had said and how he had said it.
He asked a few questions about the wedding, said he would try to be there, and as he turned to leave he said, "I can't get married until my mother dies, she won't let me have a girlfriend, she gets mad when I talk about it. I love my mother. I don't like the feeling, sometimes, that I'm waiting for her to die so I can be a man."
I didn't have a blog yesterday. I wrote the two paragraphs above yesterday, they were to be the introduction to a commentary on what happened, what was said. I couldn't find words to write what I wanted to write. I gave up. I'm back this morning. I still can't. I have decided that what he said needs to stand alone. It's his voice, I want heard here. Not mine.
This man needs help, not sympathy.
ReplyDeleteIf his mother won't listen to him, that is the first problem.
You know him - is there anything you can do to point him toward help?
She needs to learn he will probably survive her, and he needs to have whatever help he will need to be prepared - or she will have failed.
If manhood is measured by nobility, he more than qualifies. Heartbreaking his situation, however!!
ReplyDeleteinteresting that 'mine' is in the title of the post yesterday and today. I hope he is able to claim what is his right - having a girlfriend, having an adult relationship that is of equals. I hope he is able to find his own words to express his choices to his mother and anyone else who needs to hear him clearly. He has a kind heart, methinks.
ReplyDeleteThis happens so often to people with disability. It is appalling that people are denied their human rights in this way. Appalling.
ReplyDelete