Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Get Me To The Church On Time - We're Getting married.

Photo Description: Two Unicorns wearing top hats and their horns are rainbow coloured.
This weekend Joe and I have decided to get married.

This wasn't an easy decision for us. Anyone who has spoken to me about it knows that I had particularly strong feelings about it. Joe, when asked, shared the same opinion but he was much less emphatic in his explanation. We are, after all, very different people.

In a nutshell, we both stated, that we had longed to get married early on in our relationship. We have been pretty open as a couple, at home, at work, in the community for a very, very, long time. We were a couple back when some members of the gay community weren't very accepting of couplehood. When I wanted to take a 'Happy 10th Anniversary, Joe' ad out in the national gay newspaper, "The Body Politic," it was reluctantly accepted after a long discussion of the collective who ran the paper.

We were told that we were 'aping heterosexual convention.' We were told that gay men needed to re-write and re-define out relationships ourselves without relying on the heterosexual norm. Whatever. They printed the ad.

The reaction to the idea of marriage for gay (using the word of the time) people within the heterosexual community was - well - there wasn't one because it hadn't ever been conceived or considered. It was simply a non-option.

A very, very, brave Catholic priest, who could have lost everything, performed a commitment ceremony for us, in our house, with a few friends over. We were very, very young. It was held on what is now 'Gay Pride Weekend.' But there wasn't any 'Gay Pride Weekend' back then, not as we understand it now. We went to work the day before the ceremony, went away for the weekend to Montreal, came back after the long weekend. It was nice. It meant so much to us. But it felt like something shameful that was hidden away from the prying eyes of others. It didn't feel like a wedding because it wasn't one. It was a commitment ceremony. Don't let anyone ever tell you they are the same things.

So after all those years of having wanted to publicly proclaim our relationship. we found that we had. Everyone knew. Everyone in Joe's world. Everyone in mine. I mentioned Joe often in my lectures, even in places where gay people aren't typically open. I wrote about Joe in my books, my blog and my newspaper column that I had for a number of years. We both felt a responsibility to be 'out' for others who weren't. I could see the looks on faces of those in the LGBTQ+ community, attending a lecture, when, in a causal way, I indicated that Joe and I were together. Shock, joy, hope - Joe and I have had some wonderful conversations with people in my audience who heard the lecture but what mattered most was that an openly, gay man was at the podium.

When marriage came around, we found that we neither wanted it or needed it. But then, something happened this weekend, that changed all that. A light switch went off in my head, and, I asked Joe if we should maybe reconsider and get married. After a bit of a talk, we both agreed, now is the time.

I'm not going to write about the moment in a Timothy's coffee shop where something happened to make me rethink our stand. I don't want to write that here, because I want to say it at the wedding itself. I will write it after that.

So.

In Essence.

Joe and I are getting married.

65 comments:

Kris S. said...

Congratulations, Dave and Joe!

Anonymous said...

I am actually giddy with happy for both of you! Have you picked a date?

Liz McL.

liz said...

Mazel tov!!!!

Tamara said...

Congratulations!

Kimberley said...

Morning Dave and Joe, I'm so happy for you both !! Congratulations!!!

Andrea S. said...

Congrats! Be sure to post pictures!

Ceeej said...

Congratulations! My wife and I had similar experiences and then got married in 2013 after 22 years together. Still feels awesome and somehow different while everything is exactly the same! Hope you both have as happy an experience.

CL said...

Congratulations!

Gary McArthur said...

Congratulations to you both!

Colleen said...

Congratulations, Dave and Joe!

Antonia Lederhos Chandler said...

Smiling from ear to ear! Congratulations!

CapriUni said...

Hooray!

Naomi said...

If that's what you both want then I congratulate you with my whole heart and look forward to photos of the happy occasion!

Jeannine said...

I am so very happy for you!

leslie sobel said...

Congratulations to you both! I don't imagine it will change your internal feelings after so many years together but it seems like making it official is both a statement and provides you both will some legal protections that matter (I don't really know how it works in Canada) but regardless it's lovely news!

Anonymous said...

Congradulations to you both!!

Susan said...

Very excited for you both. Is it strange to be excited for the happiness of a couple I don't know, maybe but that is what I feel. Wishing you many more happy years together. Beannachtai libh!

Bobbie said...

Congratulations!!!

Rachel in Idaho said...

Yay! Congratulations!

Beth Gallagher said...

So beautiful. You and Joe have seen so much over the decades of your relationship. Hoping that your day brings only bliss, beauty and decades more of pure love. Cheers Dave and Joe!

liebjabberings said...

Weddings always make me cry: hope yours is magnificent.

(Even though you two couldn't be more married.)

Alicia

imfunnytoo said...

Best Wishes, congratulations, and any other cool words that apply.

S Flemisa said...

So very, very happy for you! Love the very definite public declaration of what has been a somewhat private commitment. May you have more years after the ceremony than before it.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!

Kristine said...

Oh wow, congratulations!! I'm so happy for you!! Happy about the announcement, happy that you've both been able to share your life with the wonderful someone you love, happy that society is finally starting to catch up, just happy. :)

Jan Goldfield said...

How wonderful for you both. Congratulations.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations Dave and Joe!

Tom R. said...

Holy smokes! Congratulations!

clairesmum said...

Wonderful news!

Cynthia said...

Congratulations Dave and Joe! I am so very happy for you two!

AkMom said...

This is great!!!

Congratulations to both of you, here's to the first day of the rest of your lives!

B Burton said...

Mazel Tov!

Jenni said...

Congratulations to you both!

Karry said...

Awesome news! I'm grinning from ear to ear!

Princeton Posse said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Great news. All the very best for your futures. Can't wait for the pictures. Sadie & Ruby as flower girls???

Maggie said...

Congratulations and Best Wishes to you Both! May your marriage be blessed in all the ways that matter most to the two of you!

Louna said...

Congratulations! I actually believed you were already married, because you refer to Joe as your husband. Not that you don't have every right to do so. Still, I'm happy for you both.

jwg said...

Can't stop grinning! There are many of us who will be there in spirit.

Anonymous said...

Its about time! Congratulations!!!

Julia :-)

Mary said...

Aaaaaaaaagh! That's brilliant news! All the very best to both of you, and may the wedding and the marriage prove to be everything you hope for.

Anonymous said...

Congtatulations! And look forwrd to reading about the moment in the coffee shop!!

Nan said...

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

Tarawynn said...

Congratulations!! Best wishes for many many MANYmore years of happiness!!

Rosemary said...

I am so very happy for both of you! I look forward to reading your marriage post when the day arrives.
Rosemary

Anonymous said...

Lovely news! Congratulations to you both. :) samm in welland

Cindy said...

Wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to you both!! Reading this has put a big grin on my face :)

Belinda Burston said...

Ding dong the bells are going to chime! :) Congratulations! :)

Molly said...

Mazel tov to you two!!! So happy for you

wheeliecrone said...

Wonderful! I am so happy that this is a decision that you and Joe are now free to make. Or not. Whichever you deem appropriate.

Congratulations to both you and Joe!

Mardra said...

Very Best wishes to you!

Mardra said...

Very best wishes to you!

Ruti Regan said...

This is delightful news.

lexica510 said...

Congratulations!!! May you continue to be happy together for many years!

Anonymous said...

Yahoo! Many, many congratulations and may your wedding be as amazing and awesome as the two of you are! :)

--Littlewolf

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!
Sharon

Anonymous said...

So happy for you both. Congrats!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations and all the very best to both of you.

Cynthia F. said...

I've been happy for you both all along. And I'm happy for you now too!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!

Esther said...

Thrilled for you.

Dory Z said...

Dory Z.said..This is wonderful news. Your love for each other is a shining example to many hearts. Thank God that " times they are a changing". It's wrong that you had to hide or feel shameful in the past. Fly my friends!

Claire said...

I'm very happy for you both! Congratulations!

krlr said...

YAY!! Many, many congratulations!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!