My Secret Garden

I must be a deeply flawed person.

On Facebook, where I admit I enjoy spending some time, I regularly see posts and posters, graphics and cartoons, messages and thoughts all regaling me to:

be true to the inner me

unleash my real voice

be authentically who I am

Every time I see one of these I kind of shudder. I mean what do you do when the 'inner you' isn't particularly nice, what if unleashing my real voice would be tremendously hurtful to others, what if I'm authentically a bit of a shit.

I spend time trying desperately hard to be the 'me' that I want to be and I try to spend less time being the me that I actually, kinda, am.

At my core there's a bit of nastiness, let me list some of the things your likely to find growing in that inner garden ... oh there's a hedge full of envy over there ... there's a grove of spite ... there are lovely stepping stones of denial that will get you through the pond of malice. Let's not talk about what hides in the shadow of the tree of resentment - no let's not.

So, despite all the encouragements otherwise, I'm going to continue to present the well weeded me to the world. I hope that over time other things take root. I have noticed that there are some surprisingly strong saplings that just might grow into a copse of patience. And, over there, I hope I see the beginnings of a bed of graciousness. I hope there is even a part of the garden that it's safe for others to visit.

But please ... don't go too deeply in.

So, exhort me all you want.

I'm not giving in to the inner me, I'm not fuelling the real voice, and until I'm authentically who I authentically want to be ... I'm not loosing the real, authentic Dave on anyone.

so here's my admonitions ...

be true to the person you want to be

unleash a voice tempered with compassion and understanding

be inauthentically decent until you are authentically so

But then, your inner child might be sweetness, but mine, well, mine isn't.

So, I am deeply flawed ... but I hope less so today than tomorrow.