You could have practiced on me.
Maybe you should have.
I do see you you know.
I am pushing myself from Marks and Spenser down towards the lift. You are with your friend at a Costa Coffee outlet. Your baby is sleeping in the pram. You and your friend were laughing and joking, then I came into view.
I do see you you know.
I saw you point at me with your finger, I saw your friend turn to stare at me. I heard your remark that pigs may not fly but they obviously roll. I admit I thought it one of the more clever of the nasty jokes made at my expense. I am stung but not hurt, you can't really do that any more. But I thought of your baby.
I wondered if your baby will grow up learning that how she looks is more important that who she is. I wondered if your baby will learn the ways of cruelty and become skilled at the art of social violence. I wondered if your baby will grow to fear your disapproval. What if she's not beautiful? What if she's not thin? What if she has acne in her teens? Will she come to you? Will she fear your abandonment if she's too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too clumsy? Forgive me, but I fear, not you and your pointing finger and your cutting humour, I fear for the future of a child with the burden to be good enough and pretty enough and smart enough to deserve your love and respect.
You could have practised on me.
You could have taken the opportunity to be the woman, the mother, that your child will need. A mother who is kind and accepting. A mother who wants her child to be happy ... not a mother who thinks that difference is deserving of public mockery. A mother who loves the child that will be and demonstrates that love by showing respect to ... me - the pig who rolls.
Dear Dave:
ReplyDeleteThis woman's actions are appalling in their own right, not just as they likely affect her child. Although, what you say is true - this child is being carefully taught.
You made me think of an incident with my own mother, herself the mother of a child with Down Syndrome. I was about 10 I think when this happened. There was a woman with a quite significant facial disfigurement who shopped at a local store. I remember my mother saying that people like that should not go out in public. I knew then that this was wrong. I knew so strongly that I remember to this day how I felt when I heard my mother say that. I do not know how I knew it was wrong but I did. So perhaps there is hope for this child, yet. Of course my mother said this privately and was not publicly ridiculing someone but I believe the sentiment was similar.
What this woman cannot see because she is so focused on making herself look good at another's expense, is who you are, a man well loved and loving. I am sorry you had to encounter her, and that you have had to develop such a thick skin.
Colleen
What is wrong with people that they judge exterior appearance over interior values ,morals,behavior.Our society really is in trouble.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful Dave. Thank you for sharing. We are dealing with a situation in Parry Sound where some parenst (and I emphasize SOME) are trying to fight a school board decision through bullying, criticizing and shooting down the character of school board officials. Just another example of where people could be more mindful of the example they are providing their children around dealing with conflict or decisions you do not like in the world....there are better, more respectful approaches.
ReplyDeleteAnd in your case, I also feel very badly for the children of this person and the people they may encounter as an adult and hurt just the same!
Barb
Dave,
ReplyDeletei wish you would have given this woman one of your words hurt cards...
Julia
Oh Dave...that's horrible. It's astonishing to me that people feel this is acceptable behaviour in a public place. Not that it's okay to behave this way in private, etiher, but at least you wouldn't have to hear it! Never mind the ridiculousness of judging a book by its cover...what about basic manners???
ReplyDeleteThis is off topic but I've been having a technical issue with your blog lately. Every blog has a message over part of, blocking my view of what's written there, that says Content was blocked because it was not signed by a valid security certificate.
Are others getting this message as well or is it unique to me and, perhaps, my work server?
Oh dear! Just when I was proud of my country after reading your post about the taxi driver. *bump* <- that's me coming back down to sad reality.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you experienced this and I truly hope that this woman's little girl has other positive role models to counteract her mother's negativity.
Stunned. Have to chew on that for a bit. Powerful post Dave.
ReplyDeleteWendy
ReplyDeleteFor whatever it's worth, I have not experienced this myself. Not being a tech person I hesitate to offer suggestions.
Wow!!! Well said Dave.
ReplyDeleteWhen people learn to get to know a person for who they are, instead of judging them for what they look like, then they will truley grow as a human being and appriciate there is so much more to life!!!
Too bad for them for missing out on all life has to offer!!
Dave, you have so much to give to others.....keep on rolling!
And remember it is the complainers you hear louder then your supporters.
Oh, Dave. This cracked my heart in half, as your posts often do. My shoulders actually slumped, sitting here at my computer, reading her hateful words.
ReplyDeleteAnd then raised, reading your thoughts about the kind of mother she had the opportunity to become.
Even stung, you are eloquent. Painfully so.
Thank you.
Of course we hope her child develops typically and they never feel the sting of "Aspie" or "Fritta" (that one still kills me) shouted or whispered after her precious child, it seems obvious she has never know anyone with any kind of serious disability. Maybe she is just another person making themselves feel superior by tearing down those around them, either way your patience amazes me. Joe would have left me long ago for making public scenes. Hang in there and roll on!
ReplyDeleteDonna