(Thanks to Becca for this reclaimed post. Blogger went down for nearly 24 hours and took with it posts and comments. I lost this post and all the comments attached to it. Becca magically was able to retreive it for me. I'm going to write my next post tomorrow morning - so it will be published somewhere around 6AM EST. I don't want to lose more work. Thanks for understanding.)
Meeting Me
I had a moment today, actually a collection of moments, which was magical.
I was tired and a bit grumpy. I got on the bus to go to work feeling slightly guilty of being snappish with Joe over breakfast. I'm feeling much better, well enough certainly, to go to work. I'd just not slept very well. We drove off into a bright and beautiful morning. The driver tried chatting but the bus was noisy, making small talk impossible, so we fell into friendly silence.
The sun was hot on my shoulder. My chair moved with the bus and I had that feeling you get when riding a train. A comfortable, warm, clack-clack-clack which rocks you gently. I fell into a reverie. I didn't think of anything in particular.
But something odd happened.
Maybe for the first time ever, or at least in a very long time.
I felt adjectives detaching from my soul and falling away.
They gathered around me, like wrapping from a big present, laying at my feet. 'Gay'. It was there, over there, by 'disabled'. 'Fat'. It was there too, right beside 'tall'. 'Old' was beside 'Christian'. And as each one of them fell away, I felt, something emerging.
Dave.
Just Dave.
Adjectiveless Dave.
The essence of Dave.
Without a role to fill, without expectations of habit, without need for explanation, without past, without future.
Just.
Dave.
I should, by my age, be more comfortable with 'he who is me' but his presence kind of startled me. He's different without the attached descriptors. Much different.
I think I might have even liked him.
No, I know I did, sitting there on a warm bus being gently rocked, feeling the sun on my shoulder, he seemed to accept the me sitting there, the labels around my feet. It was like he'd been waiting for a moment to say,
'Hi'. Just a friendly 'hey'.
I arrived at work and shook off the moment and then stepping through the door, realized, I kind of missed him already.
wow....sounds lovely....hope he's back again soon...
ReplyDeleteWhat falls away...
ReplyDeleteDamn lovely writing.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across a 2007 blog entry when I googled (of all things) "Unhand me, you cad." Such compelling stories you tell, glimpses into life you offer. I thought. "I hope he and his bog are still going strong." And I'm so pleased to see this is indeed the case.
I'll be back for more.
Ta!
Congratulations, what a sweet blessing. Although, like you it is rare I really love it when I get out of the way and I can just BE self without definition. I think I shall sit in the sun today. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHey
ReplyDeleteJust started reading 'Who would you be without your story' by Byron Katie which talks about this.
I'm glad you liked the Dave you found under all the pigeonholes and preconceptions, perhaps he'll visit again soon if you let him :)
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed this works lol
I stumbled on your blog quite randomly and what a refreshing find it is. I particularly like 'Meeting Me' as it says so much with so little.
ReplyDeleteI'll be watching you, in a friendly way, from now on. Many thanks.