An Octopus' Party In The Shade

Another really low bed. Another call to the front desk. This time two helpful women arrived with elephant feet. You can't make a line like that up. For those that don't know, elephant feet are these grey plastic things that look like overturned flower pots, they are made such that they can raise furniture. You simply set the existing legs onto the top of the elephant foot and presto chango you have a tall bed.

The bed being lifted was a king bed, problem was the king bed was made by locking two smaller beds together, zipping two mattresses together and then making it up as one bed. They had four feet, there were eight legs. They mentioned that a woman and her husband had got by by putting the feet on one of the beds so that the bed became kind of a split level affair that seemed to work for them. We agreed it would work for us.

All were put on easily except for the one on the inside at the head of the bed. That took much work. Eventually they pulled the bed back, put it on, then pushed it forward again. The two women were young and full of fun they laughed a lot while getting it together and ready for us. All seemed well for a good nights sleep.

Only a half hour into sleep, someone moved and the elephant foot that had given trouble, gave way. Most probably when the bed was pushed back it tipped and now it fell. This meant that I was in an impossible angle for sleep. I could hear Joe sleeping peaceably but I was trying to sleep clinging to the edge of a bed like I was on a cliff face. I did sleep but my grip gave way and I slid down so that my feet were at one elevation, my hips at another, my shoulders at a third and I woke with blood pooling in my head. Everything hurt.

It was after one in the morning. I had to get up to go to the bathroom. That meant using rock climbing techniques to get up to the edge of the bed and then up onto my feet. I managed. I got back into bed and held on to the edge trying not to slide. By now my back was screaming in pain. I woke Joe up. We got up and managed to get all the feet off again and got back into bed. Just before doing so I went to the bathroom and wrung my bladder out like an angry washer woman.

Once in the low bed I noticed that if I dangled my fingers over the edge I could feel the plush of the carpet. Who sleeps like this, druids? I managed to get up a few hours later for another pee. It was a bit of work and I decided to stay up rather than go through that again.

When we left we were asked about our night. We said it was great. Because it was great that two young girls with four elephant feet had visited our room. And no drugs were involved.