Lost In Space

Where is it?

whereisitwhereisitwhereisit ...

I'm of the age where I lose everything but weight. Things that can't be lost ... I can lose. Things that I should never lose ... I often do. Join me as I take you through a list of things I manage to lose - am I alone in these.

10) Emails. Kali a reader of this blog wrote me her address so I could send her a bag of President's Choice Louisiana Hot Sauce chips. I bought the chips then went searching for her email, gone. I searched by name, by topic and finally I went to the day that it came it. It's just gone. Kali, if you don't mind, could you send me your address again cause I've got this damned bag of chips sitting here taunting me.

9) A quote in a book. Used to be I could pick up a book and find a quote because I remembered about where it was in the book, which side it was on and about where it was on the page. Now, forget it. I'll dig for it but never find it. I can't search the web for it because I never get the quote quiet right. The damn Internet isn't good on 'things people almost but never did say'.

8) Placement in time. I'm completely lost. I've lost all sense of the flow of time. I realized that I am now only two years old. Everything happened 'a couple years ago'. I can be talking about graduation from high school, when I first published a book, when I last saw you. 'A couple years ago,' is a wonderful phrase because it sounds lucid and masks a complete loss of life's continuity invisible.

7) What I was looking for a minutes ago. I'll be searching desperately for something then blink, blink, what what was I looking for. I can be just about to type something into a search engine, just about to rip apart a desk drawer. Gone. Lost. Nada. No more.

6) Sense of proportion. Why worry about something little when you can worry about something big. It's a waste of worry time to put things into proportion, true, but I don't even know proportion. Never been introduced to it or had it over for dinner. I've had it's twin sister Pro Portion - which is how much an athlete pie eater can put away ... but proportion, nah. You know making mountains out of molehills ... well, they invented the word catastrophization to describe ME.

5) Sense of propriety. The older I get, the more I think that farting is a right. Who made the rules about farting? I mean really, CAN YOU HOLD IT BACK? I can't. Maybe it's an elasticity issue, but for me, a fart is simply smelly wind. If that's the worst that life throws at you, you live a blessed life. I heard that sometimes people divorce over farting. What, get a sense of proportion!

4) Spelling of words like propriety. I used to be able to spell. But with spell check, why? I just type along and when I get to a tough word, I just give it my best shot and let the computer pick it up. It's got to have something to do. Really, it's kinder. Trouble is, half the time I forget to spell check. Oops.

3) Phone Numbers. I've been working at Vita for three years and don't know the phone number there. It's programmed into my phone. Even so I can still tell you Joe's phone number from when we were both in grade 12 and I was smitten. Can run that number off, but don't know my apartment phone number. Know the cell, but the apartment, who calls there?

2) Socks. Yeah, I had to.

1) Ummmm Ummmm