Friday, September 04, 2009

Appropriately Inappropriate

I have just spent the last 20 minutes searching the web to find a picture to put with this blog. I'm both frustrated and pleased. I wanted to find the old logo that 'Associations for the Mentally Retarded' used to use. But after looking at nearly 50 pages of images it, like that gawd awful name, is gone. The logo was one of a big green man with square shoulders who looked like he was made out of lego. In front of him was a small child who's head was oddly placed right in front of the green man's groin. It was supposed to represent a strong adult protecting a vulnerable child. But looking at it another way it could be seen quite differently. Many of us used to refer to it as the 'blow job'.

At lunch yesterday, a group of us were talking and really letting our guards down. It was a two day conference on legal issues regarding sexuality - meaning dealing with sex offenders with disabilities. So we'd talked seriously about pedophilia, about rape, about victimization, about hurt, about trauma. Heavy stuff. My presentations had gone fairly well but I too was beginning to feel overwhelmed at the hugeness of the problem, the unfairness of the system, and the damage done to people with disabilities. So, this lunch everyone at the table seemed to make a silent agreement that it was time to simply let go.

We were talking about silly acronyms and I brought up the 'blow job' and asked if anyone else remembered it. A woman at the table, perhaps a little older than me, said that she didn't remember the logo, but that she did remember giving the occasional blow job. Everyone looked slightly shocked as she quietly took a bite of her creamy dessert. I simply said, 'You know you probably shouldn't say that when you've got cream in your mouth.' For a second time stopped. Then the whole table erupted in almost violent laughter. People were bent over and howling. I lost control too and laughed my big loud laugh that I let out seldomly. Other tables looked over, some in annoyance, most with envy.

When we settled down from that we moved on to even more wildly funny stuff that in no way can I write here.

You might find what she said disturbing and what I said inappropriate. But here's the thing. Without humour. Without violent out of control laughter. It's impossible to deal with the world as it really is, it's impossible to talk seriously about things that should never happen, it's impossible to stay sane and hopeful. Our laughter wasn't about what was said, it was about need. It was about a desire to stay afloat. It was about good mental health.

I worry that poltical correctness is taking away from us the possibility of simply laughing together. The need to be a wee bit inappropriate from time to time. To gently poke fun at each other. The afternoon came and went and whenever I caught the eye of someone from lunch, no matter what was being said at the conference, we smiled. How nice is that?

9 comments:

  1. You make me laugh out loud! Your story bring back memories of long ago, an office outing and a creative pudding chef ....I'll say no more! But your point is well made - we can straightjacket ourselves by worries of offending - by political correctness - when in fact each one of us is ridiculous and we just need to get over ourselves....I'm off to have a cream bun, I think!!

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  2. I think if we could ever have lunch together - we would get along soooooooo well! :)

    As a Mom of a child with multiple medical issues and one who has had to make some REALLY hard decisions about life and death, I think it is soooo funny when people are shocked about the stuff we joke about....You have to or you will lose your mind.....like dressing your child up as a turnip on Halloween (his first follow-up visit after heart surgery) to go visit his caretakers in the ICU. This after a neurologist told us he would be a "vegetable" while he was trying to extibate himself with his feet, and because he was sooooo hard to get blood from. :) After people picked their jaws up off the floor, it was funny. Sometimes, you just need to give people permission to laugh over the hard stuff.

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  3. Having been at the table at lunch I am sitting here again laughing recalling the moment - a much needed break after several hours of again dealing with serious work issues. To Stephanie - I love your sense of humour and wish I could of been there on your visit to ICU! Wish I had done something similar myself at one time. Thanks

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  4. Being able to feel joy and humor in an otherwise dark situation is priceless. You captured what I feel about political correctness when you said "I worry that political correctness is taking away from us the possibility of simply laughing together. The need to be a wee bit inappropriate from time to time. To gently poke fun at each other."

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  5. I love your story & I think we need to laugh & be outrageous. It keeps us sane in a pretty crazy world.
    It's not "polite" to say "I've given the occassional blow job" but how many of us have??!!! (I'm not sayin' anything...
    I remember that logo & had the same unease with it!

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  6. I have spent a lot of time time at sea on fishy boats in scary situations, Fought raging bush fires, worked with Intellectualiy challenged people (Until assessed as brain injured and cognitively impaired) In every case, especially at the direst moments humour would raise its head (No pun intended) to get us through........Always totally non Pc and inappropriate.

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  7. Was it this logo?
    http://home.golden.net/~camh/index.htm

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  8. thanks anon, that's it. I couldn't find it for the life of me.

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