Orange

Bold and unusual, yes, but I decided I wanted a change. We had a few hours to ourselves while on holiday in Florida so we headed over to a Big and Tall shop and I picked up a wack of new shirts. I decided to lighten up and picked a yellow shirt, an orange shirt and a white shirt. I typically don't wear any of those colours but I wanted to break out of dark colours. Joe was thrilled and compliments me ever time I put one of the shirts on. I was getting used to being a little bit more sartorially daring.

As we left Halifax, we had one more breakfast on the harbour and then I waited in the lobby with my book as Joe headed up to call for the Bell Guy and arrange for the car to be brought round. I was sitting comfortably with my sippy cup of hot tea beside me. I'd read a few pages and then watch the activity around me in the lobby. I was relaxed and ready to go on the next part of our journey. I was wearing my yellow shirt and was feeling good. Dangerous waters these.

I began reading again and then a shadow came over me and my book, I looked up to see what was blocking the light and saw a kindly face of an elderly woman. She smiled at me and said, 'A little word to the wise, darker colours would suit you much better.' Then she was gone. She dropped her little hint and then motored on without a thought for how her little bit of advice might affect me.

Suddenly, I felt shamed and stupid. I know that bright colours only call attention, that's why I never wore them. Time crawled slowly and beads of sweat ran down my back. I just wanted Joe to show up with the cart, I wanted to get the hell out of there. Soon enough, but not really soon enough, Joe was there and we were in the car and driving out of the city.

A couple times I began to formulate the words to tell Joe what had happened and found that I couldn't. These things sometimes hurt and upset him more than they do me. He gets this 'protective' kind of thing going and I have to direct his energy elsewhere. So, I didn't tell him. Still haven't. I don't know how much of my decision is protecting him from his own anger or my shame at being of the size that people feel free to make hurried hushed comments to ... not sure yet.

Then this morning as we were getting ready to go again, Joe offered me a choice of three clean shirts. Nestled between two dark ones was the light orange one. I almost went for the dark green but then thought ... WTF, I'm 56, I'm fully employed, I'm loved, I'm respected, If I want to wear orange, I'll wear freaking orange.

So for the whole day I wore orange. Not only that, I went shopping in orange, I went for tea in orange, had lunch in orange. I sat tall and wore light colours. I decided that the decisions were mine, why would I give them away. I waited for adulthood so I could make my own decisions. Well, I'm gonna freaking make my own decisions.

And, the coolest thing, I caught a couple people smiling at me today, and you know what I'm sure they were thinking, 'Cool shirt.'