Wednesday, July 09, 2008

At Your Own Risk

A warning booklet should come with the wheelchair. It really should.

Since I've been wheeling myself about I've worn out several pairs of gloves and developed a real set of callouses on my thumbs. Occasionally my thumbs get caught on the wheel and personal injury occurs. OK, that's one warning label.

Once I sat down on a freezing cold wheelchair and thereby froze my butt to the metal on the chair. The pain was immediate and intense, not to mention the skin that ripped away when I got up. OK, that's two.

I had the footrests off and was working at the counter chopping vegetables for dinner. I turned the chair too quickly and ran over my own foot. OK, that's three.

Then there was the time when I was sitting outside the theatre waiting for Joe to come and some guy just grabs my chair and starts to push it, getting me 'out of the way'. The suddenness of the movement almost threw my back out. OK, that's four.

Everyone in a wheelchair knows that total strangers are going to touch you, pat your shoulder, give you unwanted hugs, and they are going to give you constant sad little smiles, it's enough to make you nauseous. OK, that's five.

For an even half dozen, here's this: yesterday I was pushing my wheelchair up a slope and somehow managed to sprain my tits. Really. I didn't know that was possible. I can just imagine telling them at emergency that I was there for sprained boobies. Good God, someone should have told me.

So from me to you, cut it out and paste it on your chair, a warning label you can actually use. Ow, it hurts even to type - I'm going to retire my tits for the evening now.

14 comments:

andrea said...

My sympathies, Dave! That's quite a list - only the "run over your own foot" would occur to me.

Once I strained a gluteal muscle, and a person cannot sit down, stand, roll over, curl up, or do much at all without the gluteals.

But you sure don' get no respect when you sprain yo' butt!

andrea

liz said...

I can NOT imagine pushing a wheel chair without asking permission or being asked to do so by the person in the chair. OMIGOD, the rudeness! It burns!

Pat Faulk said...

I hope your boobs get better soon Dave!
I think I sprained my stomach muscles from laughing so hard! Thank God for seatbelts or I woulda fallen out!
Feel better soon and glad to see your blog today!

Shan said...

Ha ha!!! Sprained your tits!! Ha ha ha!!

Sorry....I mean, poor Dave.

FridaWrites said...

Pectoral muscles underneath the tits? Having breastfed a couple of clingy babies, that's something I get. I've also slammed a door on one before--ow!

I've had people try to push my scooter before when I'm in it because I'm "in the way" rather than walk around me or give me a second to move.

My arms/back were so sore in my first few weeks of scooter use. I've also given myself whiplash slamming into the back of an elevator.

Kei said...

Ok... OUCH!!!

Gaina said...

Hello, I'm a new reader :)

I've only ever had someone push me out of the way once when I was actually browsing on a shop. I can't remember what I actually said but I'm pretty sure it was Russian (ended in 'OFF!' haha). That kind of behaviour should carry a health warning to them.

The frozen but story brought tears to my eyes. 'Sprained tits' made me chuckle.

gracie1956 said...

My condolences to your tits! Today I got the results on my breast biopsy...and there is NO cancer. WoooHooo!!! Maybe it was just a sprain! LOL, LOL, LOL Ouch, I think I sprained something laughing at/with you!

Dave Hingsburger said...

gracie1956, everyone here at Chewing the Fat is cheering with you ... I'm just doing it a little more quietly than usual. By the way, about the sprain, Joe suggested I put them on ice ... pig.

FAB said...

Oh Dave, sometimes you make me laugh till I cry. I hope you and your boobies recover soon!

retiredwaif.com said...

Ouch! No, really, ouch!

Seriously, though, I hear you on most of these.

Heike said...

Cold cabbage leaves are great for mastitis - maybe they work for sprained boobs too?

Hey, Dave, aren't you meant to be on a blogging holiday?

wendy said...

To Heike,
SHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Don't remind him! ;-) I mean, ya know...if Dave needs a break, that's cool, but if he just keeps finding things to write about who are we to stand/sit in his way? LOL

imfunnytoo said...

Poor Dave! Ow Ow Ow :(