Grateful Tuesday

I wonder if you all know how much you mean to me. I know that we are strangers, connected only by magical electronic and technical wizardry - but through this blog and your comments I feel like I've come to know several of you - to value all of you. The main reason we are moving from this house to an apartment in the city is the isolation I feel as a disabled guy - the sense of aloneness and dependance that I now have. I realized yesterday when reading comments on my blog about Eric's visit (and tearing up at your stories) that this blog has been my way of connecting with the world after I became disabled.

I began writing Chewing the Fat after talking with Belinda Burston who I've known for years and who has a personal Christian blog http://www.whateverhesays.blogspot.com/ and introduced me to the idea. She became my blog mentor and managed to put me on the path that led to this blog and our (yours and mine) relationship. I resolved to only write a blog for a year but when the year passed I found myself still getting up each morning and writing something. I became much more watchful and thoughtful in my day, waiting for blog moments. I began to see things in the world that I wouldn't have noticed before. Part of this was because of my new status as a disabled person and part of this was because I knew I would need something to write about in the morning.

Then, over time, I began looking for comments from some regulars. Wondering what they thought of a piece. Feeling like there was a bit of contact really mattered and matters to me. It's a way of being in the world, a way of having more when sometimes you feel like less. Over the last few days I've been feeling this real warmth towards you all and didn't know how to express it. Every time I tried to blog about it, I sounded weird or needy. But to hell with how I sound. I want to say, 'Thanks' ... for reading and especially for commenting.

Many blog writers respond to every comment in their comment section and, you will note, I do not. When I visit bloggers who do, I feel guilty. What with the pressures of living, working full time (and a half) and the need to make sure that we don't end up in a life with Joe sitting in one room and me in another - I have time enough for writing a blog, checking in to read comments and that's about it.

So I wondered if you all thought I didn't care, or didn't read your comments (I do, often over and over) ... Well, now you know the secret, I probably need you more than you need me.

If that makes me seem needy, well then, perhaps I am.