Bust a Gut

I am not a loser.

You are going to hate me for telling you this, but I am the inventor of the 'Loser Test'. Years ago in Toronto there used to be a multiplex theatre in the Eaton Center down town. At least a couple times a month 8 of us would get together and go to a movie and then out for a beer. One day there was a group of proselytisers in orange robes banging drums and approaching people to 'talk'.

Inspired, I came up with the 'Loser Test' we'd all walk by, one at a time, and the one's they approached to talk to would officially be labeled 'losers'. I had to go first, it was my game, and I walked by trying to look just like the kind of person you wouldn't approach and they didn't. Joe came next, not stopped. Everyone got by but Robert who, when approached, yelled out loudly, "No! No! I am NOT a loser!!" We laughed ourselves silly.

We played the game every time that we went to that theatre with whatever group was there in hunt of souls. We loved it. Robert was never chosen again, but he never lived down being the first one to lose the loser game.

I felt like I'd lost the game yesterday. After the presentation here in Greenbelt, we went shopping to a small mall nearby because I wanted to pick up a few small gifts for Joe. I'd already got him the bulk of his birthday presents but there were a few ideas I had for little things. To do that I'd need to be on my own for a bit and I'd need a wee bit more help from the store clerks. Everything went fine.

Then I went and parked at a bench and waited for Joe, our meet time was only about 7 minutes away. I was only there for minutes when a guy sat down next to me. He was about 25 or 26 and had one of those ponytails that men wear - the kind that looks like you've got to pull hard to start their brain lawn mower style. He launches into a long speil about how he can get me out of the wheelchair.

Oh, no.

I was informed that I was thinking toxic thoughts. Wow, this guy is good, that's exactly what I was doing. He told me that if I thought positive thoughts, the cosmos would send me positive vibrations. How much weed do you have to smoke in order to talk like that, I thought. Once again I realize how my wheelchair is a magnet for odd ducks. I didn't want a confrontation, at first.

Then I thought about what he was saying, he was saying that people with disabilities are negative people who get what they deserve. What crap! What new age nonesense.

"Sir, shut up."

"No need to be rude."

"You come up to a perfect stranger and start telling him that he has a disability because he's a negative person with negative thoughts - and you don't even know the guy you're talking to ... and you call me rude."

"I don't need to know you, I know the cosmos."

"I repeat, shut up."

"See you are negative, you need to embrace ..."

"Today, I went shopping for birthday presents, I have a bag full behind me. Today, I gave a lecture on sexuality to a bunch of folks wanting to provide better service. Today, I got a call from a friend I haven't heard from in ages. I've had a wonderful positive day. You come into my positive world with prejudice and with bigotted ideas about disability - let me tell you, sir, the cosmos is really pissed at you right now."

"Well, if you are going to be like that ... you'll always be in a chair."

"Who says I want to be out of the chair?"

He shook his head sadly and left.

Joe appeared from no where and asked, "Who was the guy with the rat tail."

And I positively bust a gut.