I'm getting old.
I really feel that today.
Still fighting jet lag, coming down with a cold.
I find that while my body doesn't bend like it used to - my will bends more than it should.
I find that while my muscles have gone soft - my attitudes have hardened.
I find that while my flesh is willing - my spirit is weak.
I'm heading for a pity party. And I don't care what all the self help books say, I like them. I like them so much that I won't share them with anyone. My pity party is for me. I invite only me. It's all about me.
"And what would he like?" Joe and I were out for breakfast and the waitress, after taking Joe's order asked him what I wanted. I was on the slide to the pity pool so I just wave to Joe to go ahead and give my order. I like victimhood too much some times.
An advert on the television for a movie coming out uses the word 'Retard' in the promo. I shudder at the incredible insensitivity of people. What the hell is going on in their minds? Haven't we convinced anyone but ourselves about name calling. I feel like giving up, giving in, spilling milk and crying over it.
Four disabled parking places are taken. No one in the frigging store even LIMPS. We had to park several spaces away. I could hear Joe's breath behind me as he helped push me up a slight incline and into the store. I feel like getting on the intercom and calling out all the blue badge abusing bastards. But I don't. I roll around glaring at anyone who establishes eye contact. I'm heading for a mean mood. I need to take a mudbath in depression.
It's hard not to just throw in the towel.
Say, "To hell with it."
Become a telemarketer.
When I was younger, in my teens, these parties could last for weeks. I had the luxury of self induglence.
But I'm old now. I have to get it all in today because tomorrow's a busy day. I have things to do.
I'll have to do some mental stretches so I don't pull a mind muscle.
I'll have to moisturize my attitudes to keep them soft to the touch.
I'll have to clean up from the pity party - put the sugar free chocolate syrup back in the pantry, the no carb cake in the fridge and the fat free ice cream in the freezer - so there's room for more than just me in my heart.
Because if I let 'me' get in the way of the 'you' that I serve, that would truly be a pity.