She was spitting angry.
Well, I'm sorry.
We had been talking about "Ashley's Treatment" and she had been going on and on and on about it. I agreed, because of course, I agree. I think what happened is an abomination. Adulthood is not a disease that needs to be medicated away. But she kept going on and on and on. A thought that had been vaguely forming in my head came together and once I 'got it' I said it, "Don't you think you are being a tad hypocritical?"
She was stunned.
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Well," said I protecting my groin as I spoke, "it's not like your agency doesn't do psychologically what that family did medically. You don't do sex education, you don't allow people with disabilities to be alone together in private, you don't have a policy that allows people with disabilities to be fully adult and make adult decisions. So, it seems to me that Ashley medicated would be happier in your agency than Ashley, free."
She was spitting angry.
But, I'm sorry, it's not OK to disallow adulthood for those with disabilities. It's not OK to do it surgically and it's not OK to do it psychologically. It's not OK to use our power as service providers to keep people with disabilities as perpetual children. We're supposed to support growth not impede it. We believe what we believe or we don't.
I know that the situation with Ashley is not completely analagous - given her level of disability - but if it's not analagous it is certainly instructive. Ashley has offered us a chance to reframe our practices because when clinical practices in the real world look barbaric in the medical world - a problem exists.
A while back I published an article that I wrote with Susan Tough that said (I'm paraphrasing) "Any agency or family that disallows the natural growth and development of people with disabilities - including sexual development - commits acts of violence against the disabled every day." I said it. I believe it.
Because people are in care does not mean that we should be given complete power over their lives.
So, we who oppose Ashley's Treatment need to put up or shut up.
I have assisted many agencies as they have changed from sex negative to sex positive stances. I have seen agencies grow as they developed welcoming policies and healthy practice. I know it's possible to support people with disabilities to grow into thier own destinies.
It's why I got into this biz.
So she's spitting mad.
I'm probably never going to be asked back.
That's OK.
Because what's wrong, is wrong - no matter who does it, no matter how they do it, no matter what excuses they use to justify it.
Wrong.
Right?
Dave, your words were inspired by One beyond yourself and you spoke and wrote them because they were, as the prophet Jeremiah once wrote, "Like a fire burning in your bones." You couldn't not say and write them, without becoming less than you are.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being faithful to your call and sharing thoughts that should challenge us all and give us pause to think today, whether we are parents or support people.
Belinda, Dave is a decent man but stop treating him like a preaching messiah.
ReplyDeleteI truly appreciate your sharing your thoughts on this matter. As someone who has very little exposure to the differently abled (gosh I hope that's not condecending, rude or -ist in any way) it's important to see issues from both sides to form educated and compassionate opinions. We are too read to accept that parents or physicians know best. Thank you for giving me a perspective into knowing why sometimes they simply don't no matter what their intentions might have been.
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous--I hope I have straight who is the Messiah! I can see how you might mistake that from a quick reading of my words.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry if I come across as enthusiastic in the extreme and if that grates. This is me. I am this way. In general.
I can't promise I'll tone "me" down but I will remember your words and caution, which I respect.
I thought Anonymous died 476 years ago after finishing his last limerick. Frances
ReplyDeleteBelinda, I hope you'll keep being "you" -- freely expressing the encouraging gushings from your passionate heart. Dave I hope you keep being "you", sharing your revelations and preaching your heart out - when you have to - until we all "get it". Anonymous... I think maybe what you need is to get ramped to a banana cream pie! :) And if we ever find out who you really are, I'll do my best to get one to you. God bless!
ReplyDeleteSusan,you thought you were being 'smart'with your response but you confirm my point.Too many people are turning Dave into a preacher as if his blog is some sort of religious experience.I enjoy alot of Dave's thought provoking writing & admire his insight.However,I am not going to worship him & wont be sycophantic!This isn't the point of the blog!From what I know of Dave he wouldnt want people to treat him this way!
ReplyDeleteOne of the blessings of living in a country that values free speech is being challenged by other points of view and considering them. Everyone has a right to their point of view and that it be respected.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to squelch anyone or their point of view and I don't think any reader of this blog does.
As I said earlier, I thank anonymous for pointing out how my comments may be perceived--it's a perception I can understand and don't want to promote. I appreciate Dave very much as a human being however.
I also have friends who were piqued by the critique and responded on a personal level.
Lets get on with the fight that really matters--finding our way through this world in a way that honours all people.
Belinda, you're right... "let's get on with the fight that really matters"...
ReplyDeleteBut just before we do that, I really need to explain my comments. I was actually trying to say something nice to Anonymous. I was serious about my offer of a pie. If you'll read Dave's post from Dec 18 (which was actually posted on my birthday!) you will understand my comments about the banana cream pie. And the offer still stands. If I ever find out who you are, I WILL bake you a banana cream pie.
Blessings!