Fresh smiling faces.
Youth.
This morning I met with a young student about to start with a placement at Vita, this afternoon two new supervisors were introduced to me as part of their orientation. They were all so young. Kids. Taking on such huge responsibilities. You could see the enthusiasm in their eyes, it was ... sorry ... cute. For an old timer like me, I see these kids and remember my first days. Yes, we all come to this field for different personal reasons, but I think we all come carrying the gift of ourselves and the desire to truly make a difference.
I remembered back many years ago when I was asked to contribute to a staff manual - the author had asked 'community living leaders' to write advice to people just entering the field. The book, when published, was quite interesting. I enjoyed reading what others had said, and even though I contributed as a 'leader' I felt that I learned. This old dog could learn new tricks.
So when I got home I dug around for the book with an idea of taking it into work to share with these newbies. I couldn't find it anywhere. I did find an old yellowed copy of what I wrote and man, did I miss the mark or what. I think I was so stunned at being asked to write something as a 'leader' that I tried too much to be leader-ly and profound, as a result what I wrote was stilted and stiff.
I want another shot at the task. I've decided to approach it like the idea from the blog 'three beautiful things' that Belinda introduced me to some while back. Here's three bits of advice for the young who wish to serve ...
1) Keep your passion on purpose not politics. Remember always why you came into the field. You will be pulled from pillar to post as the vortex of the workplace tries to distract you into interpersonal feuds and petty politics. Nothing burns you out more than kindergarden spats with co-workers. Figure out just what your passion in service is ... focus your energy there - separate the wheat from the chaff. I spent far to much energy in the early days of this career getting involved in what didn't matter and losing focus on what did. I saw people burn out, not because of the job of service but because of burned bridges and bitter relationships. Keep your eyes on the prize - we get to be in the life histories of those in our care - cool.
2) Keep your boundaries clear. This is your job. These are the people in your care. We are not parents, we are not friends, we are not family - we care because we choose to, we care because it matters and we care until the end of shift. Give yourself a break, every day, from the demands that arise from being needed. Remember that you, too, must have a full and rich life. Work is only part of that life. I remember having a long talk with Marsha Forest years ago and we talked about how it was to 'rise to purpose' every morning and about the demands made on our time, our hearts and our minds. I wrote to her that in my heart I have a little garden that is just mine, I go there when I need peace and rest. I have a little sign on my garden -- it says -- "Take Note - This Is My Frigging Garden Keep Your Ass Out". We all need that garden. We all need a place to replenish ourselves and where we can reflect and grow - tulips and character.
3) Keep your sense of humour. If you can't laugh, you ain't going to make it. You are going to see bizarre behaviour - hear bizarre tales - listen to bizarre professionals talking bizarre talk. Laugh. I remember listening to a psychologist tell us that in order to stop a guy from eating feces we were to put katsup on the feces (to change the sensual experience, he said) I asked him if we were to offer "fries with that shit" and we all laughed. Well he didn't. (By the by, I didn't make that example up.) I know I'm approaching burn out when I don't laugh about work any more. When I don't laugh at work any more. When I don't laugh. Keep giggling. If it's funny laugh. Simple rule, profound results.
There. I could do many more but I'll stick with these. However, I feel unfinish. Like there's something more I want to say. So, I'll offer three insights ...
1) Examine. You are in relationship to an often powerless people. You are offered the power to programme, the power to interpret their lives. Power corrupts. Spend time examining your heart and your mind. Make sure that you don't become addicted to power. Make sure that you see you for you - see your errors -see your successes -see your journey too.
2) Forgive. Mistakes will happen, you will have regrets learn to forgive yourself. Be a harsh taskmasker demand that error always leads to growth and to a vow to not repeat the hurt. You will need to forgive yourself. You will need to learn to ask pardon of those with disabilities that suffered your mistake. You will need to learn to receive forgiveness from yourself and others.
3) Challenge. Don't let yourself grow complacent. Don't let yourself get into a comfortable rut. Challenge yourself. Consider yourself perpetually in school, perpetually learning, perpetually challenging. Don't grow lazy with routine. Keep your passion alive by feeding it generous portions of thought and evaluation. If you don't change your mind on something, realize something new, or go 'oh my gosh, blew that' at least once every six month, you are stagnating.
So, I ask, for those of you who've been around the block - what advice would you give what insights would you offer?
I'm curious.
This week I am going to share your blog with those 3 fresh faces and with my students. I love your challenge and think each of us should write something for all the new fresh faces that will enter this field. I'm also going to challenge my students to write something as if they were giving advice to a newbie and get them to keep it and reflect back years from now. thanks, Manuela
ReplyDeleteDear Dave- Thanks for the good advice and insight.My favourite part-"You are going to see bizarre behavior,hear bizarre tales and listen to .... bizarre talk-(and that's just the staff!)-that in parentheses mine. Can't quite understand why adding ketchup would make the shit less appealing, however. I, for one,.. oh forget it;)Frances
ReplyDeleteI wish I'd had this information fifteen years ago! One thing I always tell new staff is that I will learn as much from them as they will from me or other senior staff. New staff should not be intimidated by the "old timers" - don't hesitate to try something new, or to challenge a practice or procedure that's been in place for a while. I don't believe in the old adage, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Rather, I believe that we should always be looking for new and better ways of doing things. Change is good and necessary, not only for staff but also for the people we serve.
ReplyDeleteTo a newbie - I would say, be prepared to learn everyday. To ask yourself 'why' everyday, and when you stop learning, or stop asking, then move on. And, just one place you and I disagree Dave 'oh my gosh I blew that every six months', sometimes it's more frequent - but always in the earnest attempt to make it better, do it bigger and better and eventually even do it right!
ReplyDeleteAnd what a high when that is accomplished!
Hi there! These aren't my learnings, but are just three (in keeping with the theme of three) exerpts from a list of 28 put together a while ago by some managers I work with. The list is entitled:
ReplyDelete"Things That I Have Learned Since I Became a Program Manager:
* Teach your team to focus on the solution, not the problem
* Our job is not to make people happy, but to be fair and kind in the discharge of our duties
* Ask questions; there are no dumb questions and you are not bothering people if you call for help
Okay, one more--it's important
* Say thank you to your staff daily.Show them appreciation by a card, or whatever makes them feel appreciated
I'm back with more. I love a quote that my boss is very fond of:
ReplyDelete"Rules are for the guidance of the wise and the observance of fools."
So my personal three:
1. Be "principle," not "rule" based.
So often people will learn a principle and then use it as a rule to be applied to every situation. Working with people is as much art as science.
2. Be human and humane. We are all made of the same flesh and blood. Take a really good look at yourself and your weaknesses before you dare to "put" someone else on a program or "apply" a treatment plan.
3. When you've acquired the "human eyeglasses," applaud the people we support for their grace, patience, endurance, creativity, brilliance, teaching skills and generosity. Never stop being amazed at who they are and all that they have to give.
Fantastic !
ReplyDeleteKeep it real, real people, real lives.
Not a plan, a strategy, a treatment, but a real response to a real person.
It is a simple rule, but in the land of services and professionals, it is only too easy to forget that peoples lives can not be prescribed. Move with them, grow and change with them. Work in a way that free's people to lead you.
One of the things I like to talk to staff about is what Quality of Life means to them. The one thing that always needs some teasing out - is one of the most taken for granted things. The right to change ones mind. I like toast but I would be really miffed if I had to eat toast every morning - because I like cereal too! I also say that I will go shopping on Friday, but sometimes I decide to go on Monday, and nobody tells me that it's shopping on Friday and that's that.
There is a place for plans etc, but not in place of the person. Support people to lead you. Learn to listen and then listen more.
I think I do pretty well with all of the points in Dave's advice list with the exception of limiting my work to my time at the office. I'm not so good at that, and I'm not sure if I'm yet ready to think of what I do as a job, although it does have most of the characteristics of a job :-)
ReplyDeleteAnyway...
One valuable lesson I have learned has to do with good will. It's impossible to build up enough good will that it can't be torn down in an instant.
This has been particularly true in my dealings with parents of clients over the years.
Often they have had so many bad experiences with "service providers" that it doesn't matter how many times you've bent over backwards or burned the midnight oil to help them, if they believe you've "done them wrong" they can turn on you like pit bull in a rabbit pen.
I know this, but sometimes I still get caught, because even though I've experienced a lot it can come as a shock when a voice that has been a friendly or even a steadily complimentary voice for many years suddenly turns into a voice of anger or even violence.
This is the one situation that challenges my "cognitive therapy" abilities the most. I know that I am not perfect and it is OK to make a mistake (or to do something that someone else perceives as a mistake) but it can really put me in the dumps when someone I've really tried hard to help for many years craps all over me. And because it needs to be handled profesionally since I represent the organization and not my own feelings, there's not a lot of people (or sometimes none) I can talk to about it, so aside from venting to my cat, it's not always easy to work through it.
My wife is also my co-worker so that's an option that is often better than the cat, but then that can really mess up any efforts to leave work at the office :-)