tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post8257761819318212839..comments2024-03-29T03:43:45.977-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: That's Dirt, Not DandruffDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-26807975960349785332012-06-05T12:38:59.943-04:002012-06-05T12:38:59.943-04:00There seems to be so much anger in the world today...There seems to be so much anger in the world today. when I was growing up, there was a book "I'm OK, you're OK". Now it seems it's more like "I'm OK, Fuck you!".Princeton Possenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-39501173837784270632012-06-03T23:48:32.741-04:002012-06-03T23:48:32.741-04:00Dave, I don't even know what to say. I am so d...Dave, I don't even know what to say. I am so damned sorry you had this happen after the wonderful experience in the post right before this.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10791317184998122691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-10069175339924750592012-06-03T22:25:46.693-04:002012-06-03T22:25:46.693-04:00Sometimes I choose my battles. I can't fight e...Sometimes I choose my battles. I can't fight every moment of every day, I simply don't have the energy. So sometimes, I ask myself if a particular situation is worth my energy or if it is needed elsewhere. And then I shrug, leave people to their ignorance and move on. It becomes my choice to shrug it off, deem it unworthy of my time and energy - choosing to instead spend them on the people I care for - and in so doing, rob the ignorant of their power to hurt me.Lenehttp://www.theseatedview.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-19035286236551101752012-06-03T19:31:16.664-04:002012-06-03T19:31:16.664-04:00Is one form of activism better, superior, more cou...Is one form of activism better, superior, more courageous, more correct, more valuable than another?<br />Should we aim always to confront, challenge, <br />Being me in a world that often doesn’t have much space for (aspects) of me is... well it just is.<br />Just being me out there in the world is activism and work enough. Sometimes I challenge and speak out, and sometimes I just notice and keep my peace. I think both are fine for me. And, for what it’s worth, for you too if it feels ok for you. And if it doesn’t feel ok, I sort of wonder, why not? i think there’s something I don’t get here.<br />LAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-56388089668827924022012-06-03T14:21:31.372-04:002012-06-03T14:21:31.372-04:00First, to answer your question: Yes. Sometimes I ...First, to answer your question: Yes. Sometimes I do get too tired and discouraged to speak up and confront. I (like all other humans I know) have limited reserves of energy, and, like money, I have to budget it well, and choose where I want to spend it. And there are times when the ignoramuses of this world are just too expensive (not valuable, mind, but expensive).<br /><br />Second, this post is all the sadder to me when side-by-side with "Finish Line." And I wonder how I'd feel if I'd read the pieces in reverse order.<br /><br />You see, what bothers me most about my own feelings is not that I'm sometimes too tired to fight, but that, while reading "Finish Line," I found myself holding back from celebrating the win of that moment, because I was imagining all the times and places where disrespect, condescension, and belittlement still happen.<br /><br />I don't like to acknowledge that I've become so calloused by life.CapriUnihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906524679880178584noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-13407494219700974062012-06-03T13:05:35.739-04:002012-06-03T13:05:35.739-04:00I can definitely sympathize with just taking the e...I can definitely sympathize with just taking the easier path, rather than the path where you have to argue with someone who might be (and probably is) going to fight you on it, even if it's just because they're embarrassed not to have noticed or whatever. And I can agree that it's exhausting to have to ask people for common courtesy. When did it become appropriate to put your feet up at the movie theatre anyways?Utter Randomnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08010190479645800897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-51666521070909137272012-06-03T09:57:46.833-04:002012-06-03T09:57:46.833-04:00Yes. Yes, indeed. There are times when I simply kn...Yes. Yes, indeed. There are times when I simply know in my soul that there is no point saying anything. And you were probably right to stay silent. The woman sitting behind you was probably too pig-ignorant to understand how inappropriate her behaviour was. She probably would have made a scene and nothing would have been accomplished, except to embarrass you further.<br />Dave, her behaviour does not reflect your worth. Her behaviour reflects her worth.wheeliecronehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10570378001102933660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-85907432082107592472012-06-03T09:30:04.971-04:002012-06-03T09:30:04.971-04:00I've found that whenever I start giving up, wh...I've found that whenever I start giving up, when I start shrugging my shoulders at crap, usually whoever's with me (I have some great friends and a very outspoken mother) is more than willing to speak up or at least encourage me to continue. In the past few weeks I've been actively denied jobs solely because of my disability, I've had neighbors scream and threaten me because my disability doesn't fit what they imagine, I've had to call the cops who couldn't legally do anything. And I have an anxiety disorder that makes confronting people extremely difficult. <br /><br />But I try to remember of the people who have all my same issues and less time and more pain. At the moment, I have the time and ability to speak up and all of this crap that us disabled folk go through shouldn't keep happening. <br /><br />But at the same time, I just allowed maintenance to park their big ass truck on my ramp (my only way out of the apartment) for an hour because I was too tired to say anything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-9802656901851615682012-06-03T07:40:10.106-04:002012-06-03T07:40:10.106-04:00Most recently when I am trying to advocate for ser...Most recently when I am trying to advocate for service users to get what they need I feel as if I am shouting against the wind. Those with the "purse strings" don't listen and don't seem to care either. It is so easy to be tired and wonder if it is easier just to stop fighting but I guess that is just what the "age of austerity" leads to isnt it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-56796249557259317932012-06-03T07:04:19.263-04:002012-06-03T07:04:19.263-04:00Dear Dave:
Oh yeah! As a Mom of a child with a di...Dear Dave:<br /><br />Oh yeah! As a Mom of a child with a disability I noticed that I had times where I just couldn't advocate anymore - a kind of burn out - a kind of need to just quietly regroup. Then after a while I would be able to be back at it again. I have noticed the same pattern in other parents of kids with disabilities - times when we are passionately and strongly advocating and times when we just need a break from the constant head butting.<br /><br />That woman was incredibly rude and not worth the dirt beneath your feet Dave.<br /><br />ColleenColleennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-37391777648896486542012-06-03T06:55:34.745-04:002012-06-03T06:55:34.745-04:00I get tired. I lose hope. I become a total misanth...I get tired. I lose hope. I become a total misanthropic and cynical jerk. Then, usually something will bring me out of that...a lecture (maybe one of yours), a song, a scene I observe, watching my 2 and a half year old daughter dance, whatever.....then, it is back off to the races to essentially continue my mission of helping people with the concept you discuss here; consideration. <br /><br />It all boils down to that. Whether it is the staff members I am teaching, people I support, or my family members and my daughter, I do my best to help them all to "consider" others. I am NOT looking for them to adore, serve or even interact with other people necessarily, I just want us all as humans to consider each other where we are, and how we are, and who we are.....I am tired today. <br /><br />Frankly, this post probably was discouraging for me but after responding with comment, I have a bit more energy to consider. <br /><br /> Dave, you are entitled to not fight every moment. However, knowing you a bit, I would imagine that doesn't last too long. If it does, there are many people who want you and need your wisdom, wit and ultimate voice. If you know that, maybe you can rest, catch another movie, and be renewed.John R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09855575688523179265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-32124742411052386822012-06-03T05:52:57.188-04:002012-06-03T05:52:57.188-04:00To Anon above .. I find it a little disturbing whe...To Anon above .. I find it a little disturbing when I read a post like this, to read comments that "should" a person. Dave expresses some pain here, pain that I understand as an activist, and to get lectured about what he should have done, or how you in your anonymity, would have handled it so much better. There needs to be an agreement, amongst us in the disabled community, that it's OK to be out about the exhaustion and the depression that comes from the constancy of the battle. I for one understand entirely what he's saying here. I get really tired. Really tired.<br /><br />Dave, you fight more often and with more courage than most people I know. Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard. When you have the energy, fight. When you don't, don't. Most of us, though clearly not all, just appreciate that you do what you do as often as you do it. Take a rest. Everyone gets holidays, you should too.patnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-6196596960352317712012-06-03T05:05:17.120-04:002012-06-03T05:05:17.120-04:00To say something to someone is to open the door to...To say something to someone is to open the door to the possibility of a confrontation. Confrontations are exhausting and embarrassing and can spoil the whole mood what's supposed to be a nice outing.<br /><br />I'd say it's about a 70-30 split whether people, when challenged, say "oh sorry, didn't realise," and rectify whatever it is - or get shirty about it.<br /><br />So unless you're prepared to spend the energy required to deal with someone who is behaving like a twit it can be better, on an individual level, to take a different course.<br /><br />What might help is to regard the (moving away to another seat or other concession you make) as a positive way of tackling the situation in itself? Instead of glowering at the rude person thinking "you're making me do this," own the decision as "<b>I</b> have decided of my own free will to (change seats) as the most constructive way of dealing with this situation. I <i>could</i> have argued and called management and quoted equality legislation and suchlike, but she's not worth it."<br /><br />To refuse to use the emotional energy on the challenge - but then to use that much emotional energy and more <i>simmering</i> about it - is counter-productive. If you know you're going to simmer and feel bad anyway, you might as well take the chance on the argument.<br /><br />In an ideal world you wouldn't have to do either, because people would be automatically polite, but we must deal with the world as it is, rather than the world as we would wish it to be.<br /><br />So speaks the theoretical brain from the safe space of my desk at home.<br /><br />My emotional brain, on the other hand, has spent more time than I'd care to admit to in the outside world silently fuming because I feel angry about having been placed in a situation where I <i>must</i> make a decision due to someone else's lack of basic manners.<br /><br />There's also - I wonder if you get this? - the feeling that if you say something, the people around you might resent you "turning our nice evening out into an equality battleground".Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11639094548415759560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-20050538584962894362012-06-03T04:10:24.734-04:002012-06-03T04:10:24.734-04:00Hmmmm...I think I still would have asked her to pu...Hmmmm...I think I still would have asked her to put her feet down. Nicely. "Would you mind putting your feet down off the safety rails? They are rather close to my head and are making me feel uncomfortable." If she says no you could say further, "I appreciate it may be comfortable for you, but you have many choices of places to be comfortable - I have few. You consideration is appreciated." If still no, "Since you refuse to remove your feet from the safety rails, which are not foot rests, I will have to ask the management to assist you. Perhaps they can find you another seat which would be appropriate for you." And do it!! <br /><br />You are NOT dirt beneath her feet - or anyone else's. You paid for your ticket and have just as much right there as her. And since your seating is "special" - even more so.<br /><br />People seem to only think they are doing something wrong if they are caught. <br /><br />You often don't get because you don't ask. Is is worth getting mad about? If you didn't care enough to say something - then perhaps you shouldn't have got mad. The choice was yours.<br /><br />You never know - she may have complied. People cannot read minds nor interpret looks. Nor would she know the reason why you moved. You may think she did - but personally I find most folks a little shy on the ESP department.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-69072609548996104642012-06-03T03:45:47.042-04:002012-06-03T03:45:47.042-04:00You're not the only one Dave. There are times ...You're not the only one Dave. There are times at which I just don't feel like asking the gazillionth oblivious person to move their cart a bit cause it's blocking the isle. I'll just take a detour through the next isle.<br />Not every occasion is worth spending time and energy on, sometimes I'm tired of confronting people.<br />You're just human Dave, dn't worry :).Martijnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00118583971352904469noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-75652396634018138112012-06-03T02:50:19.115-04:002012-06-03T02:50:19.115-04:00Oh yes. There is something deeply depressing and e...Oh yes. There is something deeply depressing and exhausting about have to ask apparently ordinary people if they could behave like human beings. I'm also sometimes stunned into silence by impotent fury that 'this can't be happening, surely?'. <br /><br />And I understand why you didn't say anything. If the conversation had proved to be confrontational you certainly don't want to sit through a movie with someone who's angry directly behind you.Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05460117480302002841noreply@blogger.com