tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post5576582434000815621..comments2024-03-29T03:43:45.977-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: Humpty Dumpty And MeDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-27635136759717847132011-11-01T02:34:44.785-04:002011-11-01T02:34:44.785-04:00So often it is anger and impatience that is behind...So often it is anger and impatience that is behind that tone.<br /><br />I sometimes feel myself holding that tone back with my partner- and I know that held back, my words are pinched and strained- not kind- is it any better than the anger? I hope so, but really I hope that I could just jump all the way to kindness.<br /><br />I want to let that anger out, in the other direction- holler "arrrgh, how can you be so stupid!" into a deep well that will soak it all up and not let any get on those I love. But leaving it inside is corrosive, too. I wish I knew.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-88733063384028427812011-10-31T22:50:55.303-04:002011-10-31T22:50:55.303-04:00I have many "soft spots". I also have a ...I have many "soft spots". I also have a very hard time with emotional and social understanding. Body language baffles me, but tone (and certain phrases) cuts right to my core. Often enough, the people using them don't realize what they're doing... and so my reaction is deemed "over-reaction" and I'm diminished further.<br /><br />When I was younger, I was often told by a parent that my emotions were wrong. That I didn't feel (or think) X, I really felt/thought Y. I was encouraged from many sources to distrust my own thoughts and feelings (this before I had trouble discerning emotions). This created all kinds of trouble, so I'm very sensitive to any suggestion that my feelings are illegitimate. Even if I <i>am</i> over-reacting or have misinterpreted the situation, the solution to that is backing away and explaining, not telling me my feelings are wrong. I'm a firm believer that emotions in and of themselves are not wrong but what you do with them can be.<br /><br />People often don't make sense. They're not logical. I don't mean to suggest we ought to be Vulcans, but I don't understand why arguments or expression of strong emotion tends to be a mess of logical fallacies. I suspect most people understand the meaning despite there being no sense on the face of it. I don't and that tends to lead to worse consequence for me because it's assumed that I'll understand so I must be "intentionally dense", right? The general assumption seems to be that I'm only pretending not to understand. Sure... I find this kind of thing intensely frustrating and downright baffling. People often have no idea what they do, I think.Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-32034586608593156562011-10-29T14:10:42.368-04:002011-10-29T14:10:42.368-04:00Thank you, Dave. I need to convey this to my dau...Thank you, Dave. I need to convey this to my daughter-in-law who sometimes forgets how big/old she is in comparison to my 3 year old grandson.<br /><br />:(AkMomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-71932461384424566722011-10-29T09:45:38.176-04:002011-10-29T09:45:38.176-04:00copied from Facebook:
A teacher in New York was te...copied from Facebook:<br />A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullys another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children.Gleehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17671758996746410949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-50217642702879466522011-10-29T09:22:19.147-04:002011-10-29T09:22:19.147-04:00Julia, I wrote a post about your question from a f...Julia, I wrote a post about your question from a few days ago. It will appear tomorrow morning. Let me know what you think.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-54116314489958608912011-10-29T09:11:46.560-04:002011-10-29T09:11:46.560-04:00It's true Dave... and most often the people ...It's true Dave... and most often the people who have been the kindest to us - those we've given the most trust to - who are able to hurt us the most. They are particularly able - because of the place we've given them - to dig up that little "me" of the past who is insignificant, not worthy, can't be trusted to get anything right, must be put down, kept down in their place, who will never be "good enough" - for anything - that me who was taught those things in our formative years, and who we have spent the rest of our lives trying to re-form in our own minds, into someone who really is significant, really is making a positive difference, who really does MATTER... <br /><br />It's a constant battle - and we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. It's an inner battle as to whether we let those things in and whether we let them land for long... We have to so solidly know who we are that others completely lose their power to even suggest otherwise...<br /><br />Problem is, I do know who I am - only too well... I know the dark side, anyway... And the light side, it's funny how people just expect you to know that side, and so they don't affirm there at all - or very little - even when you do well... But they LOVE to affirm the dark side... as though you didn't know it was there, when in reality it looms over you constantly, and you really don't need their help at all... What you do need their help for is to remind you of the light side,and that you have it in you to overcome the dark...<br /><br />And of course you're right... I say "they", but it's "me", too. Hurt people hurt people. But they don't HAVE to... <br /><br />I loved that you and Joe talked about it... that you gave that hurt significance, and that you both made a pledge to each other to be more careful with each others' feelings. What a great example of "loving well".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-73190663404405471242011-10-29T03:04:52.426-04:002011-10-29T03:04:52.426-04:00Dear Dave,
I think you are a very thoghtful and g...Dear Dave,<br /><br />I think you are a very thoghtful and gentle man.<br /><br />Thanks so much for this post.<br /><br />JuliaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-12053790629017540222011-10-29T02:24:38.791-04:002011-10-29T02:24:38.791-04:00PS I read this to Joe and have his permission to p...PS I read this to Joe and have his permission to publish. I don't want to portray him as someone who hurts me needlessly. I'm writing here about a tone of voice we all us, a manner of speaking that is horribly commonplace. In this situation it was Joe who spoke to me that way. It could easily, on another day in another situation been me speaking to Joe that way. I wanted to convey here, and did so with his OK, what that does to someone. Joe and I talked about this about an hour afterwards, both pledging, eact to the other, to be more careful with each other's feelings.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.com