tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post2691955175712400219..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: Your DaughterDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-91876300017032933582009-10-29T22:55:43.488-04:002009-10-29T22:55:43.488-04:00Ivanova,
When my father was about ten years old, ...Ivanova,<br /><br />When my father was about ten years old, my grandfather decided that it would've been better if he'd never had children. And he simply didn't go home that evening. It took another 30 years for my father to track the man down and persuade him to talk. All he got was one conversation; to this day my grandfather doesn't want anything to do with his descendants. I assure you, it does happen.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-63459415032787354942009-10-09T20:40:14.506-04:002009-10-09T20:40:14.506-04:00Thank you, Dave. That meant a lot to someone's...Thank you, Dave. That meant a lot to someone's daughter.Bevhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06766614739853100172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-53655402391460506772009-10-08T10:18:20.328-04:002009-10-08T10:18:20.328-04:00I think her motivation came from within, from a po...I think her motivation came from within, from a positive source within.<br /><br />Ivanova,<br /><br />I am a social worker. The people I serve are those with developmental disabilities. I work with them today. Let me assure you, it does happen. Today.<br /><br />I am not talking about community placement. There are families who have worked so hard and for so long, they cannot do it anymore. However, let me assure you, there is a difference between community placement and abandonment.CJnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-21017224737519493982009-10-08T07:40:35.168-04:002009-10-08T07:40:35.168-04:00That killed me, because I see it too often. My so...That killed me, because I see it too often. My son lives in a group home with 9 other boys, many of whom have not seen their parents for years. It kills me when they occasionally come to our house for a short time, and they are so avidly curious to see an actual "family" home...it is an excellent group home, but there is a big difference. <br /><br />I do understand why some parents stop seeing their children (not that I agree with it, or could do it myself). Some days it is painful leaving your child there, and it's a constant reminder that you couldn't provide what he needs, and that others are doing everything for him now. The first night that I wasn't there for bathtime (he was 7 at the time), I didn't think that I'd make it through the night. In a ways continuing to see your child feels like pulling the bandaid off one mm at a time so that the pain never ends, rather than just ripping it off all at once and getting the pain over with. <br /><br />But of course, the important thing is NEVER the parents' pain, and it always hurts the children much more than the parents. When I had my son I signed up to be his parent, and that means being as involved with him as I possibly can, for both of our sakes. I ache for children who don't have that- even when workers and caregivers are great, they will eventually move on as well.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02809636995447795326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-42192184659076845202009-10-08T00:48:03.318-04:002009-10-08T00:48:03.318-04:00Ivanova,
parents even abandon children with no vi...Ivanova, <br />parents even abandon children with no visible disabilities - really, no disabilities. <br />just children who are disappointing in other ways, perhaps. or even children who aren't disappointing. <br />whose fault is it that a child is abandoned? is it the child's fault? is it the parent's? i like to believe neither. i like to believe that it is a lack of compassion or even just a lack of hope and belief in the self, that leads to these terrible hurts. <br />it's true that it's no one's fault. but it still hurts, and that's what Dave is showing. pain can be beautiful too, or at least exist with beauty. it's not for nothing, but it's still awful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-37880180699150421442009-10-07T22:41:00.339-04:002009-10-07T22:41:00.339-04:00I appreciate that you observe the desires for revo...I appreciate that you observe the desires for revolution.laahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08391342205796527390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-18733612342845976312009-10-07T20:09:28.615-04:002009-10-07T20:09:28.615-04:00This really touches me.This really touches me.~Macarena~http://macarena-de-verano.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-36245012879963669592009-10-07T18:03:35.793-04:002009-10-07T18:03:35.793-04:00That was BEAUTIFUL! Wow! You truly have a gift for...That was BEAUTIFUL! Wow! You truly have a gift for words.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04931944728963114472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-31893705059062812932009-10-07T15:24:37.424-04:002009-10-07T15:24:37.424-04:00Ivanova,
as a parent of a young man of a disabilit...Ivanova,<br />as a parent of a young man of a disability I know I am judged on a regular basis by all the different people who know him. did the job I do meet with their approval? I also know that many times I wish I could walk away when it gets too tough.<br /> While I know of the parents who walked away due to a variety of circumstances. I also know the parents who were embarrassed by their child, who were disgraced, who demeaned their child, who were unable to see their child's strengths. For them it wasn't about the child but rather it was about them. Good and bad parents come to people of all abilities.Karynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-29676362335776269542009-10-07T11:57:08.080-04:002009-10-07T11:57:08.080-04:00Ivanova, I would like to believe that all parents ...Ivanova, I would like to believe that all parents love and accept their children. But, sadly, I know better. I cried and cried when I read Dave's post today because he could have been writing about me. My parents, both of them, were so upset when they found out that I was a lesbian woman that they cursed me and then threw me away. I haven't spoken to them in years. I tried to call on holidays but they wouldn't speak to me, didn't want to see me. I don't think they'd recognize me if they met me now. The only thing in the post which I wondered about, I don't think she's waiting, from what I read, I think she knows.Shelleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-23167370707310230852009-10-07T11:12:57.174-04:002009-10-07T11:12:57.174-04:00wow. just wow. well said.wow. just wow. well said.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74853814009156809512009-10-07T10:43:36.091-04:002009-10-07T10:43:36.091-04:00I see this vignette as fiction (maybe I'm wron...I see this vignette as fiction (maybe I'm wrong.) Maybe I am also being naive, but I don't think anyone would institutionalize their child thoughtlessly, selfishly, and callously like the person this vignette. In the past, many people institutionalized their children because they were told by trusted experts that they should. These people were not amazing people, like the parents who defied the experts, they were just ordinary people. I'm sure they felt pain and regret that we can't even imagine. I feel like you're dumping on people who are already down, which is not what I expect from you. I know you show compassion to the parent at the end of the piece, but you depicted the parent as so loathsome all the way through that I can't believe in her. Maybe I'd just like to believe in a world where this is not real?ivanovahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13694244417925801824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-18483663739609087582009-10-07T09:34:20.217-04:002009-10-07T09:34:20.217-04:00Oh Dave...how beautiful and how tragic at the same...Oh Dave...how beautiful and how tragic at the same time.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10791317184998122691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-58377304868332343542009-10-07T09:28:30.699-04:002009-10-07T09:28:30.699-04:00no words today, just tears. Beautiful post!no words today, just tears. Beautiful post!linahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00675640977094855867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-70005676277264702562009-10-07T09:04:07.457-04:002009-10-07T09:04:07.457-04:00Wonderfully put Dave. Left a tear in my eye=)Wonderfully put Dave. Left a tear in my eye=)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-73155668517259133512009-10-07T07:15:24.404-04:002009-10-07T07:15:24.404-04:00How sad for both parents and daughter to have miss...How sad for both parents and daughter to have missed so much. Sadder that a womans motivation to succeed should come from such a sad and lonely source.wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14790763688701278823noreply@blogger.com