tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post1040480109924546468..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: How It StartsDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-42869957836342657072011-06-22T00:15:39.416-04:002011-06-22T00:15:39.416-04:00"That's worse. That's even worse. You..."That's worse. That's even worse. You brought shame down on him. Shame because he's different."<br /><br />So you teach kids not to humiliate other kids by humiliating them? Research and common sense suggest the opposite. If you're nice to kids, they'll be nice to other kids. If you're generous, they'll be generous. If you hit them, they'll hit others. If you humiliate them, they'll humiliate others, which is why the boy was acting that way in the first place (this likely wasn't the first time he was humiliated).Devin Lendanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74335991287967157632011-06-12T17:09:31.789-04:002011-06-12T17:09:31.789-04:00I really love this post. Really love it.I really love this post. Really love it.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15881590483174001768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-55548099533966191182011-06-12T14:32:14.900-04:002011-06-12T14:32:14.900-04:00Dave, my sister Lyn the mother of Robert a boy wit...Dave, my sister Lyn the mother of Robert a boy with downes syndrome read this blog to me and we both wept- with your permission I will use it as a starting point for discussing our reactions to difference in my work with secondary school students in Dublin- thanks - it will become a seed in the future.<br /><br />Louise- the mother of the two boys who won your soccer sweets in the raffle- the boxes are their special boxes for storing their little things!Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13302682462271266802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-69817877730153366122011-06-10T20:41:46.368-04:002011-06-10T20:41:46.368-04:00Ooh, Lori, I like that as a book title :)Ooh, Lori, I like that as a book title :)Noisyworldnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-2380707005059767132011-06-10T07:13:55.806-04:002011-06-10T07:13:55.806-04:00The mom was awesome. She did something that many ...The mom was awesome. She did something that many of us want to do. When she dealt with her son she talked about his behaviour that was wrong but not that he was bad. I have heard Mom's make comments about the person and not the behaviour in public and felt very uncomfortable but this mom did an awesome job of dealing with the incident without demeaning the person. Cudos to her and I agree this would make a good anti- discrimination ad,Janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14294417720384602202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-15636281430625517232011-06-10T01:37:01.349-04:002011-06-10T01:37:01.349-04:00Very powerful exchange, kudos to that Mom! I bet ...Very powerful exchange, kudos to that Mom! I bet he never makes another derogatory statement in his life. <br /><br />I think you have the name of your next book -- "It Always Starts With Names".Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14771731271944360497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-83212601597461059222011-06-09T22:50:27.194-04:002011-06-09T22:50:27.194-04:00I recognize that my response to the boy and his mo...I recognize that my response to the boy and his mother's correction was emotional and out of proportion to what actually happened. Rereading the post, it was a private conversation between the mother and her boy that was intense and overheard. She wasn't berating him loudly, but I felt it as more than it was, and now I have to figure out why! :)It was good to talk it out here. Okay--I'm coming back for therapy! :)Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-10462466302117544292011-06-09T21:55:19.042-04:002011-06-09T21:55:19.042-04:00Wow, I was almost expecting the whole cafe to give...Wow, I was almost expecting the whole cafe to give her a round of applause :)<br />I wonder if there were other people there who learnt a valuable lesson that day- to think hard about how words scar, and how horrible the r word is.<br />Bravo that mum, shame it wasn't recorded, that would have make one heck of an anti-discrimination ad :)Noisyworldnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-20682305839992376452011-06-09T21:16:25.164-04:002011-06-09T21:16:25.164-04:00Thank you for sharing this. It inspires me in how ...Thank you for sharing this. It inspires me in how I approach similar issues in my classroom.Kristinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06868874343026873104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-8738845916879176562011-06-09T21:15:31.338-04:002011-06-09T21:15:31.338-04:00Again, folks, thanks for a serious and kindly disc...Again, folks, thanks for a serious and kindly discussion. To be able to talk and disagree without rancour is amazing!Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-49713641917719240752011-06-09T17:56:40.350-04:002011-06-09T17:56:40.350-04:00Please don't misunderstand, Belinda. I'm ...Please don't misunderstand, Belinda. I'm with you on the issue of public humiliation 99.9% of the time. I think sometimes, though, unless one experiences it they cannot understand how devastating it can be. I do agree that this was also probably this mom's "trigger" due to her experiences. I'm hoping that much more conversation happened when cooler heads prevailed.Sherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12213266574971461657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-56765853642611987242011-06-09T16:08:40.759-04:002011-06-09T16:08:40.759-04:00Awesome.Awesome.Liz Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09469435277058701080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-19504946057242637442011-06-09T13:57:41.884-04:002011-06-09T13:57:41.884-04:00IMHO I think she did well to address it immediatel...IMHO I think she did well to address it immediately and if bystanders get something to think about more's the better. This is an issue that is important for everyone to be passionate about. How often does the name calling happen in public?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-78328467294762624722011-06-09T12:57:02.658-04:002011-06-09T12:57:02.658-04:00That was amazing. She should be doing PSA's. B...That was amazing. She should be doing PSA's. Brought a tear to my eye... thank you for sharing.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-47313603098783694652011-06-09T10:06:11.735-04:002011-06-09T10:06:11.735-04:00Belinda, I think we agree more than we disagree. J...Belinda, I think we agree more than we disagree. Joe and I have the same rule, we never fight in public. Not that we fight much, but our disagreements are private affairs. I don't think that what happened here was 'public humiliation' though. She never called him a name, never verbally abused him, never did anything but correct him, loudly. Remember, she said that she had been publically shamed, that he had been publically shamed, that something had big happened to their family. This was a huge issue for her and she made it big for him. I suspect she'd have done the same thing if he'd used any word that demeaned another. And, by the by, I've seen kids more harshly spoken to, called derogatory names, in restaurants and shopping malls, than how she spoke to him. It probably seems, too, from the telling, that this went on for a long time, it was brief, intense and over.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-64814673250090777432011-06-09T09:59:22.202-04:002011-06-09T09:59:22.202-04:00I understand what Belinda is saying, on the, thank...I understand what Belinda is saying, on the, thankfully, only time I have had this with my own son I waited until the etnic minority family had left and then told him what I thought of his behaviour, I did not wish to embarrass them any further but I have often wondered if by my silence at that point if I looked as though I was agreeing with his behaviour. I do wish social interaction was in an instruction book.Myrriennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74183607580241373932011-06-09T09:38:55.861-04:002011-06-09T09:38:55.861-04:00I so understand that the mother was very angry, an...I so understand that the mother was very angry, and "boiled over" with the passionate emotion of the moment. A justifiable and right passion. <br /><br />Maybe I was shamed as I child--I can't remember--but public humiliation has always been an emotional issue for me. It was the one thing I told my husband I could not bear him doing--and he hasn't. If ever he had an issue with something I did, I asked him to tell me in private. He has always honoured that.<br /><br />If I felt that way for me, I feel that way for everyone, especially a child who has so little power before a furious adult. I think she would teach him more about respect by being respectful in the way she teaches him.Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-78996771247492053932011-06-09T09:36:49.546-04:002011-06-09T09:36:49.546-04:00I so understand that the mother was very angry, an...I so understand that the mother was very angry, and "boiled over" with the passionate emotion of the moment. A justifiable and right passion. <br /><br />I don't know why, but public humiliation has always been an emotional issue for me. It was the one thing I told my husband I could not bear him doing--and he hasn't. If ever he had an issue with something I did, I asked him to tell me in private. He has always honoured that.Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-67225924959631225332011-06-09T08:56:00.722-04:002011-06-09T08:56:00.722-04:00I know what you mean, Belinda, but I wonder if the...I know what you mean, Belinda, but I wonder if the boy called the other boy that name in public. How humiliating for the boy with the disability to be called that terrible name in front of other people. I am not a fan of public discipline of our children, but sometimes do unto others is the way to go.Sherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12213266574971461657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-69491885036124002952011-06-09T08:51:29.440-04:002011-06-09T08:51:29.440-04:00Belinda, I'm not sure I agree with you. Someti...Belinda, I'm not sure I agree with you. Sometimes something important needs to be dealt with immediately. Once, when I was with my Grandmother who loved me dearly, I stole a dinky toy from the drug store. She shook her head sadly (that was enough for me) but she made me take it back, give it to the pharmacist and tell him that I stole it. He dressed me down, made sure I knew that it wasn't stealing from him but from his family. It made such an impression on me. Others saw it, and that was part of how huge this was for me. Do I tremble inside when I think of it? Yes. Did it cause emotional scaring? No. Did it leave a mark on me? No. But it did change my behaviour. I have never stolen since, I even tell people when they've given me too much change. Thanks Grandma. If she had waited till they were elsewhere, it would have lost it's immediacy. I'd be curious to read others thoughts on both this and on the blog itself.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-13715145425582119222011-06-09T08:49:49.197-04:002011-06-09T08:49:49.197-04:00WOW.WOW.Kris S.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-46509517603726482922011-06-09T08:33:26.217-04:002011-06-09T08:33:26.217-04:00I just wish she had done it in private. How humili...I just wish she had done it in private. How humiliating to be dressed down in front of an audience no matter how wrong he was.Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-14122584554120888792011-06-09T08:00:16.624-04:002011-06-09T08:00:16.624-04:00Yay for mom!Yay for mom!Nathan Dawthornenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-84379887012835203412011-06-09T07:33:19.261-04:002011-06-09T07:33:19.261-04:00Dear Dave:
Good for this Mom. Her son knows that ...Dear Dave:<br /><br />Good for this Mom. Her son knows that what he has done is totally not acceptable. And he knows what he has to do to make amends to Kevin.<br /><br />Hope your time in BC is rewarding.<br /><br />ColleenColleennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-40519411090222219192011-06-09T07:08:49.977-04:002011-06-09T07:08:49.977-04:00Powerful. I'm speechless (and you know how ra...Powerful. I'm speechless (and you know how rare that is!)wendynoreply@blogger.com