tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post8958537344074492022..comments2024-03-29T03:43:45.977-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: The Old Man and The SeeDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-91615382728836005532014-02-20T22:34:40.651-05:002014-02-20T22:34:40.651-05:00Fantastic blog!As a sibling caregiver it's a m...Fantastic blog!As a sibling caregiver it's a much needed reminder to be attentive to not letting my own opinions supersede that of my brothers goals. It reminds of a wonderful self-advocate I once saw speak at a DS conference who said "give me the dignity to fail." Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-57578105259395775992014-02-19T12:10:43.092-05:002014-02-19T12:10:43.092-05:00What a kind, thoughtful post! Thanks for writing ...What a kind, thoughtful post! Thanks for writing it!John Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15629282925024337676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-57071421038417767902014-02-18T23:23:36.154-05:002014-02-18T23:23:36.154-05:00I'm a parent. And I'm really glad I read t...I'm a parent. And I'm really glad I read this.Stimeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09685801693683588805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-61347288163053774972011-02-16T11:44:56.828-05:002011-02-16T11:44:56.828-05:00Thanks Dave for this wonderful post. I absolutely ...Thanks Dave for this wonderful post. I absolutely loved it. I'll always keep this in my mind as my son grows up. This has been an extremely useful lesson for me. Thanks again Dave. :)Sumithrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03544919199876352450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-41169331812159259992011-02-16T11:39:16.023-05:002011-02-16T11:39:16.023-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16149827836274890694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-55449397626144512112011-02-11T18:30:03.295-05:002011-02-11T18:30:03.295-05:00Dave, I am a first time reader-
I read this, look...Dave, I am a first time reader-<br /><br />I read this, looked over at my 4-year old (who happens to have Down's), and reminded myself to let life happen. I will be saving this and pulling it out along the way, at school meetings, conferences, his first day at kindergarten, summer camp, Cub Scouts...<br /><br />Self-determination isn't an allowance, it is a human right. I'll try to remember.Kristennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-34557932833674342102011-02-08T11:24:05.331-05:002011-02-08T11:24:05.331-05:00This is an amazing post. I am a parent of a child ...This is an amazing post. I am a parent of a child with a disability. I try very very hard to allow my son the kind of independence that is appropriate to his developmental level, even though the process can be nerve wracking. But I want to add that this is an issue for parents today of ALL children, not just children with disabilities. College advisers remark on the incredible fragility of incoming freshman who have been sheltered from the results of every decision, and had their entire existence dictated by parents who honestly felt they had their best interest at heart. However, lest you think this is coming just from the parents, our society as a whole right now is not kind to people who want to allow their children to take reasonable risks. In some communities, letting your children play outside in the yard unattended is considered tantamount to child abuse, at least judging from the snide comments from other parents. (Even though at the same age, I was riding my bicycle all over town alone and staying out until the street lights came on, blissfully free of adult control.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-12561045679485403732011-02-02T19:43:51.304-05:002011-02-02T19:43:51.304-05:00Wow, you seem to always be in the right place at t...Wow, you seem to always be in the right place at the right time, to observe life changing moments that others are experiencing. Thank you for sharing them. The older friend in this story is certainly a wise person.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-5911863286873195022011-02-02T01:41:49.217-05:002011-02-02T01:41:49.217-05:00Dave, a continuation of the "letting-Ricki-h...Dave, a continuation of the "letting-Ricki-have-more-independence saga. I think you will enjoy.<br />http://beneaththewings.blogspot.com/2011/02/oh-downside-of-independence.html<br /> [ I purposely did not post this on today's post as I am NOT trying to get extra readers from your site. I hope you get notifications about comments on old posts and will see this.]<br />rickismom (alias "torn in half between what I know to be right and my fears....")rickismomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817042750959998664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-31071860358549044742011-01-31T01:09:44.663-05:002011-01-31T01:09:44.663-05:00Oh wow...what a phenomenally wonderful story.Oh wow...what a phenomenally wonderful story.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10791317184998122691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-20811400018696043502011-01-30T20:22:06.078-05:002011-01-30T20:22:06.078-05:00Such a powerful story. I love that there's a h...Such a powerful story. I love that there's a history of these two friends being loving and respectful of each other when no one else would - even family.Cynthia F.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-71135831068748149812011-01-30T17:58:55.296-05:002011-01-30T17:58:55.296-05:00'monstors in my head that don't exist in t...'monstors in my head that don't exist in the real world'<br />Wonder-full story, I read it with tears. <br />It's positive to know that there was no backlash to this post.<br />However I think the monsters are out there. I've found my child-less status deployed against me by colleagues when they don't agree with me. Of course their experiences of parenting are important and vital to inform our practice and I have much to learn from them.<br />But I think their parenting experiences weren't actually relevant to the discussion/difference of opinion we were having that day, and I felt the parent status was used as a put-down to me.<br />I think being childless, and being a childless couple, and being an infertile childless couple, and being a gay/lesbian infertile childless couple.... are all difficult in a context where 'the norm' is grow up-get married-have kids. Difficult, and seen as lesser status.<br />It's painful when this is deployed against me. I'm good at what I do and have lots to offer to parents and families with children, in spite of not being a parent myself.<br />Thing is, it only gets deployed when people don't agree with me. I suspect at other times, it manifests through the parents feeling sorry for me and my childlessness.<br />And deep down I feel sad and sorry about it too. I guess that's why it hurts so much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-51300335768409931502011-01-30T12:37:06.412-05:002011-01-30T12:37:06.412-05:00I think this is a great example of someone being r...I think this is a great example of someone being ready and willing to accept advice and learn how to set boundaries. It sounds like the parent you mentioned at the beginning just wasn't at a place where she could do that (and who knows if she ever will be).<br /><br />It's not a reflection on you that you offered some insight and it was rejected. Both you and the older man in the story you shared reached out, and that is the important thing.<br /><br />Either way, I'm so glad you shared the story. I think many young people finding their way in the world could learn from it.Trishhttp://anotherpieceofthepuzzle.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-9446211033709558752011-01-30T05:29:46.582-05:002011-01-30T05:29:46.582-05:00Dave, I'm glad. Here's the complete story:...Dave, I'm glad. Here's the complete story:<br />http://beneaththewings.blogspot.com/2011/01/allowing-our-fears-to-rule.htmlrickismomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817042750959998664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-24221156237957904962011-01-29T21:28:55.228-05:002011-01-29T21:28:55.228-05:00one word - Coolone word - CoolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-59617972084820274172011-01-29T17:56:40.092-05:002011-01-29T17:56:40.092-05:00rickismom, you made my day! really, truly, complet...rickismom, you made my day! really, truly, completely!!!Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-90118814070761581872011-01-29T15:50:10.256-05:002011-01-29T15:50:10.256-05:00Dave, Friday night I swallowed my fear and let Ric...Dave, Friday night I swallowed my fear and let Ricki attempt something on her own that I knew she could do, but had those "what if..." fears. Thanks.rickismomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817042750959998664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-11901634728545142382011-01-28T18:51:16.429-05:002011-01-28T18:51:16.429-05:00Great Post!!Great Post!!Pink Dobermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05428024980866044103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-82534500695974480462011-01-28T16:23:06.800-05:002011-01-28T16:23:06.800-05:00In answer to the question asked, I have received n...In answer to the question asked, I have received not a single negative response to this blog post. All public and personal responses have been positive and reflective. Sometimes, I think, I create monstors in my head that don't exist in the real world. That may have been the case here.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-4455815150477750542011-01-28T15:14:41.494-05:002011-01-28T15:14:41.494-05:00I'll be very interested to know if you receive...I'll be very interested to know if you received even one iota of backlash from a parent after posting this. This was an *amazing* post, and a beautiful reminder to me (and other parents of children with disabilities) to *let* my daughter live her life. While she's only 4 now, I believe this post will reside in my head for a long time to come, and will speak to me again when the time comes. Thank you for that.Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14963099760885760598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-85194945419044730392011-01-28T09:01:24.709-05:002011-01-28T09:01:24.709-05:00Thank you for pointing out that even those of us w...Thank you for pointing out that even those of us who don't have kids used to BE kids. I don't like to criticize what parents do either because I know their job is tough. But honestly, the idea that parents always do everything right is such a harmful myth - it's a silencing technique that keeps our society from having honest conversations about the fact that children need to be treated like human beings. It's very similar to the ways our culture makes it hard to talk about abuse by any group in authority (police, teachers, etc.) because it's seen as an attack on individuals rather than a critique of how institutional power structures make abuse harder to prevent or detect.<br /><br />DaisyDaisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09430197444830973366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-88670799693403287722011-01-27T22:30:11.480-05:002011-01-27T22:30:11.480-05:00I saved this for tonight because it was long and I...I saved this for tonight because it was long and I wanted to read it relaxed! It was worth waiting for. It was a moving story and wonderful to witness the start of the journey to true adulthood and self-hood for that young man.Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-29815740303754232432011-01-27T21:36:48.790-05:002011-01-27T21:36:48.790-05:00been following your blog for a long time, and i ju...been following your blog for a long time, and i just had to comment this time!<br />as a parent of a child with down syndome I LOVE THIS POST! I will be referring my friends who don't already follow you to your blog. also sending this too a few who need to be reminding gently<br />thanks dave your are an awesome writer and i'm sure an awesome personlvsgmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07924946836705548071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-77776213330015073462011-01-27T20:17:52.946-05:002011-01-27T20:17:52.946-05:00This definitely goes on the "Best of Dave'...This definitely goes on the "Best of Dave's Blog" list ! I love it. I especially love the relationship these two have, and how lucky they both are to have such a good friend in their lives.<br /><br />I also appreciate your intro. I know that it's hard to have your parenting choices criticized/questioned. What could be more personal and sensitive than your relationship with your child?<br /><br />But I also have a VERY hard time with the pedestal that people put parents with disabled children on. People who barely know me or my family have been telling me all my life about what superheroes my parents are. Based on what? I'm sorry, but birthing disabled kids doesn't take any special talent. And the people praising my parents don't usually know anything more about our family than the fact that two of us kids have a disability. I love my parents, and I recognize and appreciate the things they've done for me. But that doesn't erase the deep pain they've caused, and continue to cause. They really don't understand me, or the world of disability, even a little bit. They've always done the best they know how, but certainly nothing sainthood worthy. I think there's danger in our tendency to place these parents on the pedestal. It doesn't promote parents learning, listening, growing, or changing their own views, and I think successfully navigating the disability world requires all of the above.Kristinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06868874343026873104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-18961928798204726552011-01-27T17:47:14.866-05:002011-01-27T17:47:14.866-05:00Carl Rodgers said something like "we are all ...Carl Rodgers said something like "we are all born prince and princesses but our parents turn us into frogs." I often wonder if I am turning my son into a frog.<br /><br />Man I wish parenting came with a handbookAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com