tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post7791319037062804135..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: Selfish NonsenseDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74266908742587294702008-03-03T15:12:00.000-05:002008-03-03T15:12:00.000-05:00Dear Pat, Have been thinking about your apology & ...Dear Pat, Have been thinking about your apology & have been very moved by your courage to reveal yourself. I have great respect for you. <BR/>It's also a reminder to me re assumptions I make & reminded me of an old poster that I use to have that said,<BR/>"If you really want to understand me, hear what I'm not saying, what I may never be able to say" I was guilty of not hearing very deeply.<BR/>One of the themes/lessons I've learned from Dave over the years is being human is complex. We all do/say things we regret; it's what we do afterwards that is key to relationships. Take care Pat.theknapperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06179049498112163140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-83940228678018530942008-03-03T13:40:00.000-05:002008-03-03T13:40:00.000-05:00Pat,thank you so much for your apology, it really ...Pat,<BR/>thank you so much for your apology, it really did take great courage to post. (I am just getting to my weekend reading today) I also apologize for "judging" your commment harshly when I first read it.<BR/><BR/>It's easy to feel passionate about disability issues/advocacy and at the same time it's also easy for that passion to turn into frustration and fear.<BR/><BR/>Thank goodness we have Dave and his insightful blog to read and share our thoughts!<BR/><BR/>Thanks,<BR/>mamieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-23950171367092165752008-03-03T04:40:00.000-05:002008-03-03T04:40:00.000-05:00Pat, I am posting this rather late, I don't know i...Pat, I am posting this rather late, I don't know if you'll see it.<BR/> It takes great courage to own up.<BR/><BR/>I think we all do/say something terribly stupid (at least once) in our lives. I know I still agonize over a stupid sentence I said to someone I couldn't stand 40 years ago....<BR/> Welcome to Humanity!rickismomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817042750959998664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-59251324622169266392008-03-02T23:37:00.000-05:002008-03-02T23:37:00.000-05:00Thanks everyone so very much for your forgiveness!...Thanks everyone so very much for your forgiveness!<BR/>Thank you <BR/>Thank you <BR/>Thank you<BR/><BR/>PatAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-37403917338377599592008-03-02T19:07:00.000-05:002008-03-02T19:07:00.000-05:00I should learn to read comments first!Pat, as othe...I should learn to read comments first!<BR/>Pat, as others have said, it is very brave of you to apologize.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-57210162323998084532008-03-02T19:04:00.000-05:002008-03-02T19:04:00.000-05:00Dave, your words are insightful, honest and powerf...Dave, your words are insightful, honest and powerful. <BR/>By writing openly we do open ourselves to that attack of the cowardly anonymous comment. I hope you will continue to share your journey. Even though my daughter is young we face the same challenge in how to balance our lives with the reality of her disability. It is heartening for me, so new to the practicalities of disabilities, to see you work through similar issues.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-83393089429329978922008-03-02T13:34:00.000-05:002008-03-02T13:34:00.000-05:00I'm sorry that cases such as Latimer's have hurt y...I'm sorry that cases such as Latimer's have hurt you so much, Pat. What you write here reminds me of the man with Down's Dave recently wrote of--who rightly felt that the direction of discussions about genetic modifications devalued his life. Too often (most of the time?) discussions of euthanasia leave out issues of personal rights of people with disablities completely and make it sound like we should die; after all, that's what most abled people say they would want in such a circumstance. It's truly Nazish and scary.FridaWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03321658097813377806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-40970316763871200802008-03-02T11:57:00.000-05:002008-03-02T11:57:00.000-05:00Pat: I, too, find it impressive that you had the c...Pat: I, too, find it impressive that you had the courage to come forward and apologize with your name (and even your personal email) attached. I don't think you deserve any further beration--it sounds like you've been berating yourself more than enough. We all say things or do things at times that we don't mean, perhaps especially when we are afraid -- as you were (are), in relation to how Latimer's case could have an impact on the lives of people with disabilities, including you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-39742983937320495692008-03-02T06:55:00.000-05:002008-03-02T06:55:00.000-05:00Pat,I am incredibly amazed that you came forward, ...Pat,<BR/><BR/>I am incredibly amazed that you came forward, when you didn't have to, and apologized when no one would have known. That takes real courage. Thank you for explaining what happened and the nature of your fears. Latimer killed his daughter, let's not let him have the death of our respect for each other on his hands either. In emotional times, emotional mistakes get made, on all parts. I apologize to you for my assumption that the poster did not have a disability - the whole world doesn't walk. I do promise you that I've got a Latimer post coming. I'm hopeful that on Monday or Tuesday I'll have that bit of information that will allow me to write what I think could be a good way to undermine his 'mission' of changing laws so that it's easier to kill us. But back to the basics, you asked for forgiveness - it is freely and gladly given.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-460515297476853562008-03-02T03:27:00.000-05:002008-03-02T03:27:00.000-05:00On my part Pat, apology accepted.Thank you for you...On my part Pat, apology accepted.Thank you for your courage in owning up, and I would never take that extra step to berate personally a contrite person. I thank you instead for being brave. A heartfelt apology is a wonderful thing.from p.t.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-3466375761167989062008-03-02T00:53:00.000-05:002008-03-02T00:53:00.000-05:00Pat, since you addressed your apology partly to th...Pat, since you addressed your apology partly to the readers, I'll take the liberty of forgiving you, for my part, for the impulsive comment you made yesterday. I did the exact same thing not too long ago on another blog, so I am humbly aware that there but for the grace of God go every one of us.<BR/><BR/>One of these days I'll have a party in my glass house, and you're welcome to drop by....no throwing stones allowed, but there IS a ramp...<BR/><BR/><BR/>Thank you Dave for the work you do on the blog. You take the path less travelled and I respect that.Shanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704810407872873565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-11004184851849542102008-03-02T00:10:00.000-05:002008-03-02T00:10:00.000-05:00Dear Anonymous,How in the world can someone with a...Dear Anonymous,<BR/>How in the world can someone with a disability be deemed "selfish" for analyzing how the disability affects or will affect their life? A disability (and a blog) are very personal things.<BR/>This is Dave's blog, don't presume to dictate what he should/should not write. <BR/>People with disabilities rely on others for so many things, they often have no choice. Are they selfish because of the reliance or because they MUST think how the disability affects their life? A disability does have a "self-ish" aspect as it affects one's "self" (sometimes others) and is a part of who someone is...it's often the one thing that drives many of their decisions in life. <BR/>Hmmm, would you also deem my son with a diagnosis of down syndrome as selfish? You know, all those times that he MUST be nebulized or his airways will close? ...I could have watched desparate housewives instead. Or perhaps, you would consider him selfish since his disability requires me to dispense his thyroid medication every morning? ...that's five more minutes that I could be puttin' on my lipstick. What about when he has to endure all those pokes and prods by the ENT, GI, ENDO, cardiologist, geneticist, OT, PT, ST and other intervention therapies all with the aim of him being more "able" to function in society? ....crud, I missed my manicure appointment again...<BR/><BR/>Dave and all, I do apologize for all the sarcasm, I suppose I am feeling a bit saucy and just plain fed up today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-44474501004367071912008-03-01T23:50:00.000-05:002008-03-01T23:50:00.000-05:00Regarding anonymous emails. I am coming into this...Regarding anonymous emails. I am coming into this late as I have just read all the responses to "Selfish Nonsense" including an apology from Anonymous Pat. I put my first response to your blog "advertising question" just a couple of days ago. Like Pat I have no Blogger Identity nor anything else that can or will identify me. Was I lacking in courage, probably. It wasn't a particularly political response but I am a fan of yours and at over 45 years of age I felt silly writing, so anonymous didn't hurt me. But in an effort to walk into the daylight. How about I sign within the content, Kathy, met and impressed in 100 Mile.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-88044838597696099042008-03-01T23:43:00.000-05:002008-03-01T23:43:00.000-05:00Of course you're not a coward, Pat. It takes real...Of course you're not a coward, Pat. It takes real courage to say, "I'm sorry." My hat's off to you.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-50109643261199350242008-03-01T22:02:00.000-05:002008-03-01T22:02:00.000-05:00Davethis is hard.Have you ever had one of those da...Dave<BR/>this is hard.<BR/>Have you ever had one of those days where nothing was going right and then you top it all off by really fucking it up and hurting someone you care about. That was me yesterday. I am annon comment #2's owner and I am not proud of that.<BR/>I have thought, since posting that comment, about how big I messed up and I wish I had never said it, I really wished I could have deleted it as soon as I had hit publish.<BR/><BR/>I am so very sorry.<BR/>My anger isn't your fault and it was unfair for me to take my frustration out on you or anyone else here.<BR/>Now I have perpetuated the cyle of anger by making you an dmany other good people angry at me. I am sorry to all I have hurt, truly sorry.<BR/><BR/>I am disabled and that is why this whole Latimer case (and all the other "mercy" murders!) scare me so.<BR/>I am in a wheelchair.<BR/>I am on a ventilator.<BR/>I can't feed/dress/bathe/etc myself<BR/>but I am still here and I want to be here!<BR/>I don't want someone else to have the right to say I should die if I get worse or lose my marbles.<BR/>I really don't want to be on "disabled death row"<BR/><BR/>I love life and want to live it the best way I can.<BR/>I am so sorry I was so angry and took it out on you and everyone else.<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry.<BR/><BR/>Pat<BR/><BR/>if anyone wants to berate me personally you can email me at pat.faulk@hotmail.com<BR/><BR/>I am not a coward and I am not an evil person and I just want people to know that.<BR/><BR/>I am so sorry, I can't say it enough! I screwed up and I hope you and everyone else can forgive me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-59267252036575766952008-03-01T19:19:00.000-05:002008-03-01T19:19:00.000-05:00Dear Dave, I cringe to have to post under this tit...Dear Dave, I cringe to have to post under this title, but not having a site myself or able to use the other identifying dot clarification, I have little choice. I too,think it only polite to, at the very least, initial identification at the end of a comment.Everything that you wrote today, I felt yesterday in response, and in my anger,wrote as such. It was(before I deleted it) a very long and heartfelt response to what I felt to be a slap in the face.I thought long and hard,then came to the conclusion that perhaps such a negative comment did not even deserve a response, and if you felt otherwise you'd "let them have it". I'm glad you did.As myrrien said it is an absolute privelege to be allowed to enter into your world,and to abuse such a privelege (under the guise of free speech) is outrageous.People have written such beautiful comments to you that I can only add to their heartfelt sentiments.You are very much appreciated.Your blog must contine in its present form, with your agenda, and slant on humanity, which I guess from past postings, encompasses all forms of it! From p.t.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-9929301980686195102008-03-01T17:18:00.000-05:002008-03-01T17:18:00.000-05:00I usually post here anonymously for personal reaso...I usually post here anonymously for personal reasons but I appreciate your honesty and integrity Dave. I enjoy reading your blog, both from what you say as an activist but also from the deep things that come from your experiences. I am often left humble and appreciative of those things you share.<BR/><BR/>I am sorry that the individual making that comment did not share in the privelige you afford us to enter into your world. Whether you chose to post about Robert Latimer or Brent Martin's murderers being sentanced or even just finding compassion amidst your daily doings I thank you for your "selfish nonesense."<BR/><BR/>I'm glad you also have a photo up now of yourself and Joe.<BR/><BR/>Thank you Dave for all that you do and all that you are.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-83575386057480522102008-03-01T17:11:00.000-05:002008-03-01T17:11:00.000-05:00Just ignore it. What I've found is that sometimes...Just ignore it. What I've found is that sometimes personal issues/decisions require immediate attention, while political issues can sometimes wait a bit. We are bloggers, not the news media, and time constraints, disability, and other life concerns mean that we can't devote energies right away to broader disability issues, as important as they are. We can't be everything to everyone but have to be selective--you're making a difference every day with your job, more than most of us.FridaWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03321658097813377806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-25619407600396146772008-03-01T14:19:00.000-05:002008-03-01T14:19:00.000-05:00I have never left an anonymous comment either. Th...I have never left an anonymous comment either. This is your blog, a place to voice your thoughts. Our society tells us that putting our own needs first is selfish. It isn't. Women and disabled people and others who are in the minority often come second and their needs don't get met first. Once again you are setting a great example for others.<BR/><BR/>Please keep writing here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-68264379827536923182008-03-01T13:29:00.000-05:002008-03-01T13:29:00.000-05:00I haven't commented here before, but I read your b...I haven't commented here before, but I read your blog almost every day. <BR/><BR/>The annonymous commenter that called your writing about housing and disability "selfish nonsense" reminded me of my early experiences as an activist in the environmental movement in the 1980s and 90s. It was very clear that we were expected to sacrifice all our personal needs/wants for the cause without ever calling the larger movement's agenda into question, and unless they could be exploited for publicity purposes, our personal stories/experiences weren't supposed to be mentioned at all. The leadership seemed to think that a mass bodies all marching toward the same goal, shouting the same slogans (or thowing the same monkeywrenches) was the only tool that would enact radical change, but they were wrong.<BR/><BR/>Politics and activism are important, but what draws me in (and gets me thinking about/involved in the issues you bring up) is the ways that you are willing and able to personalise what you choose to write about. <BR/><BR/>For me, your blog embodies something I have learned only after years of work as an activist (environmentalism, GLBT issues, disability rights) and a performer/writer: We can protest and picket and fuss and fight all we want (and we must), but the thing that will really change hearts and minds and bring on actual lasting positive changes in society is personalizing the issue(s) for as many people as possible (and then we can spur them to action). Sometimes we do that by creating art/stories (written or performed or pictoral, fiction or memoir) that bear witness to our experiences as marginalized people and thus give other an opportunity to access specific details of a world/life they would otherwise be priveledged enough to never have to aknowledge or understand. Sometimes we do that by simply being ourselves in the world, with no appologies. <BR/><BR/>Your blog does both for me. And personally, as I am in the midst of figuring out my own issues around housing and relationship and independence/interdependence, it was immensly helpful to read someone else's thoughts about being unable to seperate issues of housing and disability and safety. Because the other thing that sharing our stories in a public way does is remind the people who identify with them immediately that they/we are not alone, we are not the only ones dealing with x or z, and our voices are important, our experiences matter. <BR/><BR/>Thank you. Thank you for writing this blog exactly the way you do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74849186993344586082008-03-01T12:29:00.000-05:002008-03-01T12:29:00.000-05:00What you told about housing and disability was ext...What you told about housing and disability was extremely interesting to me!!<BR/>Indeed, living in the country -however romantic and beautiful it may be - could become like living in prison, if you lose a big part of your independence because of distance or isolation. It's the same with people who live in the country but when getting old realise they prefer to live in town, near the shops and restaurants, the banks and the post-office. I can imagine you'd enjoy the comfort of even a small town, where you could go shopping or go and have a drink without even needing the car.<BR/>Mieke.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13881820813337843551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-48268079946884367112008-03-01T12:27:00.000-05:002008-03-01T12:27:00.000-05:00What you told about housing and disability was ext...What you told about housing and disability was extremely interesting to me!!<BR/>Indeed, living in the country -however romantic and beautiful it may be - could become like living in prison, if you lose a big part of your independence because of distance or isolation. It's the same with people who live in the country but when getting old realise they prefer to live in town, near the shops and restaurants, the banks and the post-office. I can imagine you'd enjoy the comfort of even a small town, where you could go shopping or go and have a drink without even needing the car.<BR/>Mieke.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13881820813337843551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-56999568307754195492008-03-01T10:47:00.000-05:002008-03-01T10:47:00.000-05:00Dave, I come here to read your blog because I l...Dave,<BR/> I come here to read your blog because I like reading about you! What you are thinking, what you are doing, your opinion on disabilities and the people who have them. I saw you at a TASH conference many, many years ago at the beginning of my career and your message so resonated in me that I have always remembered it and you.<BR/> I was so happy to hear that you had a blog and have enjoyed reading it every morning. <BR/> There are so many of us who enjoy knowing more about you, please don't let one person make you feel insecure.<BR/><BR/>LisaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-1881852110085058032008-03-01T09:49:00.000-05:002008-03-01T09:49:00.000-05:00Dave,Sometimes, "wisdom comes with age" and one of...Dave,<BR/><BR/>Sometimes, "wisdom comes with age" and one of the lessons I've learned in the past few years is that often, I am a better writer, a better speaker, and have much better perspective on a subject if I give myself time to think.<BR/><BR/>You have every right to take as much time as you want to think about your commentaries regarding Robert Latimer before posting them - you have every right to not post a damn thing about it if you want.<BR/><BR/>I think one of the things that keep people coming back to your blog is the humanity you offer to your readers...you allow vulnerability and doubt as you ponder your world. <BR/><BR/>If it were to become a blog that was simply political, or just a daily lecture on disabilities, we would all miss YOU dearly. <BR/><BR/>For good or bad, your words have allowed us to come to know Joe and you, and to feel as if we are connected to you, not just because you have a disability, not just because you do work for people who are disabled, but because you are a genuine person, who has a wonderful perspective on this life we are all leading.<BR/><BR/>I, for one, wouldn't have it any other way.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps "anonymous" should have pointed us to his/her blog, so that we could read his/her profound words yesterday...Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08993936253314777950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-5444098897420863532008-03-01T08:44:00.000-05:002008-03-01T08:44:00.000-05:00So when I read yesterday, and even had a look at t...So when I read yesterday, and even had a look at the comments. I didn't bother to leave one. But I felt (and I haven't gone back to check) that many would leave you their opinion - and having read the one negative comment - well I felt, there's at least one in every crowd. And to form your opinion of how your blog is impacting others...on one comment (or on the lesser of the total comments) doesn't make sense. But you know that.<BR/>Keep writing - I count on it to keep me focused...admitting I don't always 'get it' and appreciate the insight.linahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00675640977094855867noreply@blogger.com