tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post7360515848835865198..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: I Remember Too: A New Year's Eve PostDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-70174250865572614322018-01-01T15:31:49.378-05:002018-01-01T15:31:49.378-05:00Being kind doesn't always mean being mild or p...Being kind doesn't always mean being mild or pleasant in the moment. Sometimes the kind thing is a push that leads to growth. Hopefully this woman grew. You offered her that sort of kindness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-45506179408531893932018-01-01T12:31:01.449-05:002018-01-01T12:31:01.449-05:00She wanted absolution, and that isn’t yours to giv...She wanted absolution, and that isn’t yours to give. She wanted the words, not caring about the actual force behind the words. I hope that night still haunts her, because only the ghost of that night can have made her kinder. If she was that cruel to you, a stranger, she was cruel to her friends and family. It is their forgiveness she must earn daily in penance for what you would not give her for free. Liz Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09469435277058701080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-16610788447054561392018-01-01T07:45:22.608-05:002018-01-01T07:45:22.608-05:00I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed abou...I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed about to be honest, that woman was awful and cruel to you for no other reason than because she felt like it. She was a bully and that includes her actions of trying to coerce you into accepting her (most likely) insincere apologies all night. Whilst I do think it’s important to forgive, I don’t think that it was in this case or at least I don’t think you had to forgive her. She was unspeakably cruel twice to a complete stranger, and then she continued to ruin New Year’s Eve for you, your friends and her friends. Instead of actually thinking about her behaviour, realising how utterly awful she had been to you and then removing herself from your night, she instead harassed you trying to bully you into accepting an apology. She carried on thinking she was the most important person in the situation, that her need to be forgiven was more important than the fact that she had hurt you. It seems clear that she had not learned anything from your words, and therefore she was not sorry and deserved no forgiveness.<br /><br />I do think you need to forgive yourself though. You had a completely normal reaction to being hurt, and you were quite restrained in your behaviour as far as I’m concerned. Forgiveness is important, but I’ve always thought that the most important part of it is how it makes us feel better. It allows us to let go of the anger and the hurt, because letting those build up inside ourselves is never good. In a situation like this one, I’m not sure forgiving her would have allowed me to do that. Because it would have been coerced forgiveness, which would have made her feel better but would have made me angrier and more hurt. Which to me is wrong, because the bullied should never come out of such a situation feeling worse. Forgive her now, she’ll never know but it’ll allow you to let go of the anger and the hurt.<br />Girl on wheelshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08796804535876857751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-71260792814938835722017-12-31T22:57:35.593-05:002017-12-31T22:57:35.593-05:00For what it's worth I don't think you were...For what it's worth I don't think you were cruel or unforgiving. I mean, maybe in your mind you could have been kinder, maybe in your mind you hated her and you feel like it would have been better if you had had purer feelings. But when it comes to your actions, I think what you did was the best thing. She didn't really care that what she did was wrong, she just couldn't take being called out on it and probably regularly pushed people into reassuring her that her behavior was okay when it wasn't. It's awful when people are like that. At best, maybe you have contributed to her realizing she needs to change. At worst, you at least didn't go along with it.Amanda Foresthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04200794053287551087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-50180493422293753972017-12-31T15:59:46.799-05:002017-12-31T15:59:46.799-05:00Well written...shows what a bind it is, when peopl...Well written...shows what a bind it is, when people say that you must accept someone else's apology or else you will be harmed by the incident all over again. That advice has always seemed suspicious - too easily becomes another 'blaming the victim' for being distressed by an incident in the past....<br />Not forgiving someone who has hurt and embarrassed us right away, especially a stranger, is pretty human. Forgiveness is a gift to give, and giving it in that circumstance was not what you chose to do - your choice. The memory is yours, to do what you want to do. Today you chose to write about it.<br />It's good for me to think on - what am I carrying from the past that hardens my heart or keeps me trapped...<br />Hope the new year brings a year of health and joy to you and Joe, and all you hold dear. <br />clairesmumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12235828110880302069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-39483194987197050002017-12-31T11:27:39.072-05:002017-12-31T11:27:39.072-05:00I don't know if I would have been forgiving ei...I don't know if I would have been forgiving either if someone talked like that to me. But maybe.. there are people I forgive, not strangers at a bar. But not forget. Have a happy New Year. I'm working overtime and then going to a New Year's Eve party with my son. First time in years I've done anything for the New Year. Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12064897477140634544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-33848728287878363462017-12-31T10:10:39.762-05:002017-12-31T10:10:39.762-05:00Sometimes you have to choose between being good an...Sometimes you have to choose between being good and yanking someone out of their complacency.<br /><br />I'm not saying you shouldn't reflect on your own reaction. That's a given. As Christians, we try to go by "forgive us OUR trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against US."<br /><br />But you took a stand against an easy apology that would have been immediately forgotten by that woman, who could then go on thinking she'd made a minor social gaffe, and forcing her to THINK about what she'd said and what she meant. Maybe she got a chance to be ashamed of herself and her behavior. At some point Christ took a whip and cast the moneylenders out of the Temple.<br /><br />Even He had his limits.ABEhrhardthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17211038591900883672noreply@blogger.com