tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post3825377899386226979..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: Baby ... Baby ... MaybeDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-26584538181301812302010-10-18T14:09:16.215-04:002010-10-18T14:09:16.215-04:00Hear, hear.
And speaking just for myself, as a pa...Hear, hear.<br /><br />And speaking just for myself, as a parent, what I sent into the future would be injury. (My children might send something different, but despite me, not because of me.) As a non-parent, I can send something better.Baba Yaganoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-80801043405599092502010-10-09T18:50:59.742-04:002010-10-09T18:50:59.742-04:00Dear Dave I have been thinking about this post sin...Dear Dave I have been thinking about this post since I read it on Tuesday. As a childless lesbian, it hurts. The assumptions that hurt are: that someone can comment on childlessness without checking if tact is appropriate (I suspect more tact would be evident if you were straight), that gay people don’t have kids when clearly they do, that childlessness is so stigmatised that all my other legacy style achievements are reduced to nothing if I’m not a parent, that my relationships with children to whom I am not a parent (but am a friend, auntie, someone who loves them) don’t count for sending something into the future. Straight couples who discover they are infertile seem to get space and sympathy. Gay couples who are infertile... seems to me it gets dealt with like we made a choice to find ourselves in this situation. And that we are lesser or limited people because we are infertile as a couple! Inadvertent homophobia???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-2789305384077702682010-10-09T12:57:49.857-04:002010-10-09T12:57:49.857-04:00I wonder if that lady would have thought that, bec...I wonder if that lady would have thought that, because Henry David Thoreau had no children, he had "nothing to send into the future"? Though he wasn't gay, he was most likely Aspergers, and so he never "lay with a woman".<br /><br />He had many progeny, though, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King, and all their followers. And his books will last forever, just as he wrote them.<br /><br />That's a much better legacy than misremembered and soon-forgotten stories of "grandpa".Clayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09424036357963352399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-50367194757305251782010-10-09T03:39:32.782-04:002010-10-09T03:39:32.782-04:00I must say that you have the right of it, in my op...I must say that you have the right of it, in my opinion. As a parent, I've never thought of my children as sending a bit of myself into the future. I think my role as a parent is to prepare them to be their own selves in their futures. Parenting should be about the children; not the parent.<br /><br />Lasting into the future, presumably after one's own death, is much the same, I think. I like it that the pleasure you expressed wasn't all about <em>your</em> work, but seemed to me to be about what <em>others could do</em> with that work. And that's you impacting the future by living the best life you can now.<br /><br />As a parent, you can, perhaps, have a more pronounced impact on your children's future, by working in a way that they have something they can use and improve upon. But whether or not you are a parent, you have the opportunity to impact everyone you interact with. And you make the effort to do that. That's what counts: You share yourself with others.Stephaniehttp://embracingchaos.stephanieallencrist.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-35201445772737093682010-10-07T18:58:01.163-04:002010-10-07T18:58:01.163-04:00Such a narrow minded way to look at life itself, I...Such a narrow minded way to look at life itself, I think. If anyone had touched, enhanced, impacted, influenced etc peoples lives in many different capacities it is you Dave!!! She obviously just doesnt get it!!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-80293893942378896412010-10-07T08:31:03.818-04:002010-10-07T08:31:03.818-04:00Your ideas inspire a lot of people...I quoted you ...Your ideas inspire a lot of people...I quoted you in a recent blog post (and should have let you know). <br /><br />It's here: http://blogs.greatschools.org/greatschoolsblog/2010/10/in-the-beginning.html)<br /><br />Keep on writing and influencing and making people think.Vallenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-65306858511885511192010-10-06T15:10:30.128-04:002010-10-06T15:10:30.128-04:00Dave, I could make this comment in response to abo...Dave, I could make this comment in response to about half your posts, but over and over again I am astounded by what people have the nerve to say to you. I agree that she probably meant well, but still. One of the golden rules of conversation: don't make judgments or inquire about someone's decision to have children, not have them, have a certain quantity of them, have them in a certain way, etc. ... or maybe you can ask if the person's a friend, but certainly not if they're a stranger. Sheesh.<br /><br />I agree there are many other ways to leave a legacy, both in the workplace and among family and friends. And I am sure you will do so, have already done so.Laurelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-88978680344773673412010-10-05T23:06:24.680-04:002010-10-05T23:06:24.680-04:00Dave, You have made a huge impact on the person th...Dave, You have made a huge impact on the person that I am today and the way that I live my life. Not to mention the way that I will be raising my children. Thank You so much for everything that you have taught and done for me thus far and will hopefully teach me in the future :) <br /><br />To comment on what Ivanova said, they are definately right! As you know I am a dyke married to another woman and raising a wonderful family!<br />-KRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-15695793169435680352010-10-05T21:10:31.583-04:002010-10-05T21:10:31.583-04:00This is beautiful. I sometimes think that parenti...This is beautiful. I sometimes think that parenting must be a bit like teaching - helping the future by helping kids become empowered. I hope to begin to give the kinds of gifts to the future that you have.Mariannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-13378011458069447382010-10-05T21:04:37.475-04:002010-10-05T21:04:37.475-04:00I just wanted you to know that your thoughts, idea...I just wanted you to know that your thoughts, ideas, teachings and musings are carried with me and passed on to those I work with every day. <br />I know I don't say it enough to my mom and I have never said directly to you.....but thanks Dave for the guidance and direction. You are more appreciated than you could ever know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-37887985975934675192010-10-05T21:03:03.931-04:002010-10-05T21:03:03.931-04:00How absurd to think that you won't change anyt...How absurd to think that you won't change anything in the world. Before I read your post every day, I might feel tired or distracted. Afterwards, I'm reminded of some of the important things I hope to do with my life. You change me all the time.Zoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415989880473044852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-26002435428094273522010-10-05T20:08:39.875-04:002010-10-05T20:08:39.875-04:00The wheeliecrone says -
The woman of whom you wro...The wheeliecrone says - <br />The woman of whom you wrote has tunnel vision. <br />There are so many ways that one person can leave a mark on the future - by inventing a machine, tool or process that future generations can use; by creating an artwork that future generations can enjoy or be moved by; by writing a book that future generations can read; by teaching people who teach people who teach people.<br />Dave, you have started processes which will help change the way that people with various forms of disability are treated in the future.<br /> <br />Do you want to leave a legacy? <br /><br />Dave, you are building your legacy every day!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-68996203064733360812010-10-05T18:56:58.041-04:002010-10-05T18:56:58.041-04:00For me Dave you have a legacy that is more than ju...For me Dave you have a legacy that is more than just flesh and blood, it's about changing ideas and practise, for me that is something to remember alwaysMyrriennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-47178890845275270302010-10-05T15:47:29.757-04:002010-10-05T15:47:29.757-04:00I would like to point out that many of you are bei...I would like to point out that many of you are being quite negative. <br /><br />We can all contribute to a discussion without slinging shit at people. Especially people who aren't even here to take part.<br /><br />Two wrongs don't make a right.<br /><br />Oh, and Dave: in case you weren't sure, this is one of those comments that I wouldn't normally leave.<br /><br />;)Shanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704810407872873565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-9437493734060226102010-10-05T14:35:04.467-04:002010-10-05T14:35:04.467-04:00I don't have children--it seems my work has al...I don't have children--it seems my work has always come first and I believe that is my legacy--to touch the lives of many people. To me, if you had put energies into raising a family, you might have created a legacy--but one focused in and very linear. Instead, your legacy affects millions I'm sure--more of a large web of influence. I think it was meant to be a compliment--but I think the person who made the statement was very uniformed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-61554002034698390832010-10-05T14:18:55.934-04:002010-10-05T14:18:55.934-04:00Thank you for sharing that Dave. My wife and I cho...Thank you for sharing that Dave. My wife and I chose not to have children. It's not quite the same as the comments you described, but we deal with something similar. We are told that it is "too bad" and people make a sad face. Well, we made other choices. We invested in a lot of people's lives and they in return invested in ours.<br /><br />One of the times this comment is the most challenging is when it is made by the parents of a person with a disability that Julie and I have supported. It could be right after we've worked with them for months to help their son or daughter to achieve something they wanted in life. Instead of feeling sad that we didn't have our own children, we'd just like them to be happy (as we are) that we contributed to the lives of others. Neither of us cares about making our mark through genetic continuance. It's too bad it seems so important to other people. We'd like them to share in our happiness for our choice.<br /><br />I hope you saw us doing lots of head-nodding on the weekend.Keenan Wellarhttp://wellar.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-69332719668773726142010-10-05T13:51:32.435-04:002010-10-05T13:51:32.435-04:00I think she was commenting on the fact that your g...I think she was commenting on the fact that your genes would not be passed on. But in my experience (just look at all the "non-traditional" families), the lessons you teach children and how you raise them has a far greater impact than your genes. And believe me, with your work, all the lectures, and books, you will surely leave a much bigger impression on the future generations than any housewife!Laurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05977239196370538454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-58239597219041984502010-10-05T13:16:16.414-04:002010-10-05T13:16:16.414-04:00I haven't read through the comments, but Dave,...I haven't read through the comments, but Dave, you ARE leaving something to the future. You are vocal for the community, you are opening eyes that have been half closed too long.<br /><br />I have an adult disabled daughter who has her ups and downs. She calls me at least once a week to describe an encounter...usually not a good one. :~(<br /><br />And where does it say gays can't have children? I really hope my heart-son and his boyfriend bring me heart-grands some day!AKMomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-92089269042414664242010-10-05T13:01:09.363-04:002010-10-05T13:01:09.363-04:00I agree with all of you commenting on the fact tha...I agree with all of you commenting on the fact that LGBT people can and do have children and can and do make wonderful parents. I was so taken aback at her comment that I didn't have the wit to come back with that ... sometimes the personal sting of a remark leaves me a bit senseless. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback here.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-74509521767703699642010-10-05T12:38:50.656-04:002010-10-05T12:38:50.656-04:00Last week when I was speaking with a woman, my res...Last week when I was speaking with a woman, my response to something she said was,"oh, you can't really mean that." About 30 seconds later I realized how I had completely discounted her feelings and been disrespectful. I quickly interjected with "I am so sorry; I discounted your feelings and I should not have done that." She actually thanked me for apologizing. As a victim of childhood abuse, people had been riding roughshod over her feelings and opinions for years. <br />So yes, Dave, you are influencing people. For it was reading your blog that made me realize what a mistake I had made by not respecting her feelings in the first place. I hope not to make that same mistake again. Thanks for teaching so many of us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-51406025623819496172010-10-05T12:00:40.919-04:002010-10-05T12:00:40.919-04:00Somehow having children has come to be seen by man...Somehow having children has come to be seen by many people as a great accomplishment. Let me tell you as the daughter of an abusive alcoholic that anyone can pass their genes onto another person without having any positive impact on the future. <br />But I have had teachers and extended family that have changed my life for the better. And I pray that through me, their influence will have a positive impact on many children in the future.Knoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-89149524625368382632010-10-05T11:55:27.090-04:002010-10-05T11:55:27.090-04:00Dear Dave:
I assume this woman was a stranger to ...Dear Dave:<br /><br />I assume this woman was a stranger to you. So I think that her comment was very inappropriate!<br /><br />My first thought was - Ruby! Who you are will go on in many ways with many people - but Ruby will carry you on in the special way only a grandchild can, Dave.<br /><br />My second thought was - I know hundreds of DSW students and grads who carry your ideas with them . Ruby and Sadie and other people who you love will carry on the essence of Dave - then there are lots of us who will carry on your ideas - also your essence but not the whole package.<br /><br />BTW - let us hope that your legacy is not an issue for a good many years yet.<br /><br />ColleenColleennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-69859446308559091902010-10-05T09:58:53.333-04:002010-10-05T09:58:53.333-04:00Yeah, just in case anyone missed the memo, gay peo...Yeah, just in case anyone missed the memo, gay people have kids all the time. I think the numbers are that there are 10 million kids in the U.S. (where I live) with LGBT parents, and something like 20-30% of gay people raise kids. So I can't decide which is more ridiculous, her first statement, or her statement that you have "nothing to send into the future." Like, Dave Hingsburger is not going to leave a mark??? Please.ivanovahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13694244417925801824noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-61340274371374775612010-10-05T09:57:10.951-04:002010-10-05T09:57:10.951-04:00I have, and will only have, just one child. And t...I have, and will only have, just one child. And that child has Down syndrome and will likely not procreate. My family is small. I sometimes feel sad that my mark will not carry far into the future, but I feel certain that the mark that will be made by my daughter as an advocate for those graced with an extra chromosome will make the biggest mark of all.Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14963099760885760598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-63456382475115043632010-10-05T09:40:05.535-04:002010-10-05T09:40:05.535-04:00No doubt, your impact will ripple positively into ...No doubt, your impact will ripple positively into the future. What I like is the positive impact you have on me in the present. I work in the disability field. Every day I read your blog and every day I gain something that helps me be more effective and more sensitive in what I do.<br />Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com