tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post281060482813237302..comments2024-03-19T07:36:33.915-04:00Comments on Of Battered Aspect: Flabbergasted - Need Your OpinionDave Hingsburgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-20456076962062004162011-02-01T07:12:12.768-05:002011-02-01T07:12:12.768-05:00Interesting theme, I will take part. Together we c...Interesting theme, I will take part. Together we can come to a right answer. I am assured.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-10496726869923775982010-09-05T15:08:32.933-04:002010-09-05T15:08:32.933-04:00Hi Dave,
Some may wonder if diabetes is just not d...Hi Dave,<br />Some may wonder if diabetes is just not disabling enough to be included in your blog... Right to privacy is valid, and a sufficient justification on its own. Another reason for not posting indivual health practices is liability. Anything that could be construed as medical advice is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Your blog is amazing and promotes understanding and consideration. Please continue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-76075957392618263102010-09-05T06:28:13.386-04:002010-09-05T06:28:13.386-04:00Dave,
You have a right to decide what to write ab...Dave,<br /><br />You have a right to decide what to write about on your own blog. That's a given.<br /><br />It sounds like your friend may be in some sort of state of fear following her diagnosis. Perhaps she didn't mean to come across the way she did.<br /><br />In any event, it's your blog. No one has a right to demand what you should write about.<br /><br />JeanneJeannehttp://chronichealing.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-86798789743938165702010-09-04T16:04:23.492-04:002010-09-04T16:04:23.492-04:00I know that I have entire aspects of my life that ...I know that I have entire aspects of my life that I do not write about on MY blog, as it would hurt the guilty ones involved.....rickismomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07817042750959998664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-16998408156362171852010-09-04T14:00:43.445-04:002010-09-04T14:00:43.445-04:00I don't think, on a blog such as this, that yo...I don't think, on a blog such as this, that you owe people anything at all. And definitely no one else gets to decide what is (too) private or unsuitable or when you write about what. <br /><br />I get the feeling some people think everyone holds the same topics as dear, private, intimate, or public. They don't. I'm open on my blog on things that a lot of people would categorise as 'shockingly intimate', but I simply don't. These things could be trivial to me. Then there may be things I'd never post, that other people don't understand why I don't post them because they don't see the big deal, or because they think those things are too important not to post. I'd hope people get over it, really. Making demands about topics on someone's private blog is rude, at the very least. If they do ask, any reason I give them, or none at all, as to why I don't post about certain things, should be good enough.<br /><br />With your friend though, with a new diagnosis that might be scary and all, it's probably a lot more complicated than someone just feeling entitled to stuff for whatever reasons they have. Also, you already said this is a long time friend, so I'd guess it's a very different matter than if it was a barely-known commenter (it would be for me, anyway). I dunno, if it were me and they told me later that they'd just been easily upset because of the whole situation, or something, then I'd probably just consider it a closed matter and all is well again.Norahhttp://blogwithoutatopic1.web-log.nlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-47542311521796668882010-09-04T10:42:31.529-04:002010-09-04T10:42:31.529-04:00Wow, you can't do anything right in the bloggi...Wow, you can't do anything right in the blogging world, hey Dave? If you tell people too much (their opinion of "too much") someone gets pissed off. If you keep something back, someone else gets pissed off...<br /><br />You have been generous, generous, generous (to a fault, maybe) with your blog-ollowers (blog followers). I for one am grateful for what you share. I chew the meat, and there's lots and lots of meat, and spit out the bones (and fat, as it were! :) ) But I applaud you in your efforts to stay sane and well balanced by being very deliberate about what you give of yourself. You owe us NOTHING, and have given us SO MUCH. We are not paying to subscribe to your posts. Expecting anything from you comes, I would suspect, from a sense of entitlement which is just not reasonable. <br /><br />Keep on keeping what you need to keep and keep on giving what you choose to give. You won't lose me as a blog-ollower over that one...Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-39971038560130641012010-09-04T07:52:32.394-04:002010-09-04T07:52:32.394-04:00The internet, and blogs in particular, are odd thi...The internet, and blogs in particular, are odd things. They often give us the sense that we know the people we interact with more fully than we do. Since we live in the same city, and since I have my coffee with you every morning, there is that sense of pseudo-friendship there. However, if I were to see you in the street, and rush in with a hug and a hearty "Hi, Dave!", you'd probably be looking for the nearest policeman to haul off the unidentified crazy lady. (Rest assured, if we ever were to meet in person, the worst you would suffer would be a hesitant "Hello, I read your blog", and a tentative handshake.) What we sense as real coming from the screen, and what is actually real, can be, and usually are, very different things. To further complicate this, I believe there is a little bit of the voyeur in all of us. Curiosity is human nature. And there are very few things that can fuel that 'need to know' drive better than someone providing little tidbits about their life, served up daily, without us even having to ask. BUT...all that said, there is absolutely no aspect of your life, personal or professional, about which we have the right to demand answers. Judging from the 51-and-counting comments here, most people agree with me. I would even take it a step further and say that friendships, even deeply personal and abiding friendships, do not give anyone the right to demand private information. Oh, we can ask, we can show interest and concern, but I don't believe there is any place for 'demanding' in a truly loving and respectful friendship. If I love someone as a friend, and they wish to keep certain details to themselves, isn't my duty as a good friend to respect and support that? I would expect no less in return. I suspect, and I hope, that by now your friend as had some time to think and to realize that she reacted negatively to something that should have been good news. (Congrats, BTW!) As others have said, there's likely more to this story than you - or perhaps even she - realized at first glance. And when you and she eventually work this out, you can fill us all in on what was really going on. Or not. That's totally up to you. :)Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16171428636839043425noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-33388726573121183532010-09-04T05:01:19.152-04:002010-09-04T05:01:19.152-04:00Dave, it is your blog, and you can write anything ...Dave, it is your blog, and you can write anything you choose. I enjoy and appreciate your writing, and glad you share so much of your life, but you set your own limits.<br /><br />That said, I have diabetes and am a wheelchair user, and would be interested in anything you choose to share about it. I think there might be more interest than you expect, in the way you manage your diabetes.<br /><br />But there are other voices for diabetes... and only yours for many of the things you write about.<br /><br />It is always your decision. You don't "owe" us anything!<br /><br />SharonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-26583755636527699212010-09-03T23:24:28.492-04:002010-09-03T23:24:28.492-04:00If you didn't think it was interesting to tell...If you didn't think it was interesting to tell us or didn't want to tell us, then you shouldn't have to.Courtneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-44556568738131033872010-09-03T22:25:01.666-04:002010-09-03T22:25:01.666-04:00You don't owe readers your life or your privac...You don't owe readers your life or your privacy. You give generously every day: of your time, your wisdom, humour, honesty,insight and passion. We are recipients of this bounty, and are grateful for this connection with the thoughts you choose to share. <br /><br />That, come to think about it, is what this place is--a corner where you share some of your thoughts, which are well worth reading. It isn't a place where we expect to "know" you personally.Belindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09251920708783268740noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-55006010793079700552010-09-03T21:02:45.289-04:002010-09-03T21:02:45.289-04:00I think it is possible that your friend believes t...I think it is possible that your friend believes that the glimpses you allow are the whole picture. Perhaps she thought she knew all there was to know about you and was surprised to find she was incorrect. It sounds like she was offended that she didn't know all there was to know. <br />That being said, regardless of what she did or didn't believe, she reacted irrationally to news that should have been encouraging to her. And for anyone to expect you to owe it to your readers to share all the intimate details of your life should really think about how they would feel if the roles were reversed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-26251691310835929942010-09-03T17:52:26.748-04:002010-09-03T17:52:26.748-04:00If I were you I would call my friend and see if sh...If I were you I would call my friend and see if she is ok. Seems she is not in a good place. <br /><br />I am sure in calmer days she would not react in the same way. <br /><br />Of Course there is no requirement for you to share anything. <br /><br />I hope your friend feels better soon.CAMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-29182903777336824182010-09-03T16:29:58.401-04:002010-09-03T16:29:58.401-04:00There a cruel irony is there not in Anonymous crit...There a cruel irony is there not in Anonymous criticizing me for using my real name to post a comment. I did not know it was a requirement to provide a link, and I wouldn't know how to do it anyway. Secondly, I did not ask questions. I constructed declarative sentences about about me. How I feel when hearing others speak out about their experiences and situations. It makes me wonder about people like Anonymous who play the role of public scold. Why do I imagine, when not at their keyboards they sit at home sucking on lemons?Evelynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-5981683389636766152010-09-03T15:40:00.579-04:002010-09-03T15:40:00.579-04:00I cant say anymore than the other posters have sai...I cant say anymore than the other posters have said - Its your blog Dave, and you should put in it only what you want to put into it.<br />Congrats on the les meds! I wish I could take less meds, but I think I would fall apart at the seams ifIdid!<br />Anyway I love your blog. Keepit up,Dave!Gillynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-44066929379497571142010-09-03T15:00:09.130-04:002010-09-03T15:00:09.130-04:00Evelyn,
I don't fault you for asking these qu...Evelyn,<br /><br />I don't fault you for asking these questions; I tend to want to know people's stories--not to violate their privacy, but because people are pretty much endlessly interesting to me, whether disabled or not. I'd much rather hear someone's story than read anyone's theory of anything.<br /><br />But those of us who share our lives publicly have to set limits about what we share, even if those limits don't seem logical to others, and being disabled tends to increase that necessity by several orders of magnitude. I share a lot about my life in my writing and blogging, and I do it because the value of my work tends to increase the more honest I can be. However, I have to be careful to stay away from "self-revelation fatigue"--not just because I write about my life, but because I have to do so much explaining every day about what I need regarding my disabilities. <br /><br />Most people don't need to explain about their auditory processing, or their sensory sensitivities, or how their neurological systems work, just to be able to get a quiet table in a restaurant or communicate by text in order to save valuable energy. I've learned to keep it as brief as I can as I go about my life, but I still feel that I have to give up more privacy than I'd like. Plus, nothing about my disabilities stays constant from day to day (anymore than a typical person's body stays constant from day to day), so what I need today might not be what I need tomorrow, and having to clarify *that* to people who put me in a diagnostic box and think they understand me only chips away at my privacy even more. It can be very tiring.<br /><br />So I instinctually make adjustments about not sharing certain things--and they're often things that aren't even all that big. I don't hold back because I'm afraid of revealing them. I hold back in order to create some sort of balance in my life, because I need that as much as anyone else. <br /><br />Hope that makes sense.Rachel Cohen-Rottenberghttp://www.journeyswithautism.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-1395434694419553822010-09-03T14:38:46.257-04:002010-09-03T14:38:46.257-04:00PS My friends actually get upset if I blog about s...PS My friends actually get upset if I blog about something I have not told them first.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-78034826294063752542010-09-03T14:38:01.836-04:002010-09-03T14:38:01.836-04:00First of all I think any time a friend reacts in t...First of all I think any time a friend reacts in this way you want to have a discussion about what you both are feeling. This friend seems hurt and I think you want to address that.<br />I do not think you owe your blog readers, or anyone for that matter, any information that you do not want to share, or in this case didn't even realise we might be interested in.<br /><br />Congrats though Dave. That is great news about 'the sugars"moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-5040935577061197212010-09-03T14:04:49.218-04:002010-09-03T14:04:49.218-04:00You make me laugh, you make me cry, you are better...You make me laugh, you make me cry, you are better than Cats! However I do not need to know every details of your medical issues. Just as I do not know why you use a chair for mobility, I do not know your blood sugar levels.PJMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-79799644044258674312010-09-03T12:27:54.552-04:002010-09-03T12:27:54.552-04:00There's naught queer as folk, Dave.There's naught queer as folk, Dave.Shanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704810407872873565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-25114389591050512022010-09-03T12:27:10.162-04:002010-09-03T12:27:10.162-04:00Anonymous Above, It's ok to disagree here - bo...Anonymous Above, It's ok to disagree here - both with me and with each other. I just ask that it be respectful. Evelyn is allowed to have her opinion and I think it's brave to buck the trend. I don't want to stifle lively debate but it would be nice if we were all 'nice' when we did it.Dave Hingsburgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11918601687946534172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-56228495681194725122010-09-03T12:16:56.444-04:002010-09-03T12:16:56.444-04:00Dave, I completely agree with what everyone else i...Dave, I completely agree with what everyone else is saying and can only add the following perspective:<br /><br />People in public positions often come up against pressure to compromise their privacy and their needs, because others often project their needs onto us. My husband and I both worked as lay rabbis for several years, and we moved on from that role because the pressure to be and to do what other people needed, instead of doing service with respect for own needs, was immense. The level of anger directed at us when we didn't fulfill the expectations of others shook us to the core. We finally had one too many conversations like the one you just encountered, and we decided that we could serve in other ways. <br /><br />In your long life of service, it sounds like you've done a great job of taking care of yourself. Don't stop now! I think the best response to your friend's demand is "That won't work for me." And then, just keep on rolling and taking care of yourself.Rachel Cohen-Rottenberghttp://www.journeyswithautism.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-33361233236939726732010-09-03T12:05:26.270-04:002010-09-03T12:05:26.270-04:00I apologize for the duplicate posts. It initially...I apologize for the duplicate posts. It initially seemed as though it wasn't posting! Dave, please do feel free to delete the duplicate as I don't know how to do it myselfAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-55030394558692563032010-09-03T11:56:38.130-04:002010-09-03T11:56:38.130-04:00Evelyn,
I think I see why you feel the way you do...Evelyn,<br /><br />I think I see why you feel the way you do, but I respectfully disagree. Yes, I, too, greatly value honesty and integrity. But isn't this kind of openness more valuable when freely given, rather than in a sense of obligation?<br /><br />You seem to believe (and perhaps I misinterpret, in which case I welcome correction) that privacy is merely something we adhere to out of nothing more than arbitrary social norms. I disagree. Personally, I agree with Dave that the ability to claim certain thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors as "private" is important to our individual mental health. Different people do seem to have widely varying needs for privacy. And different people also seem to need to draw their boundaries in very different places: some may be very open about their sexual practices but very private about their religious practices while others may be the exact opposite. Just because one person may happen to feel comfortable divulging all the daily details and fluctuations of their personal medical condition doesn't mean that another should feel any obligation to do the same. Adhering to social convention about privacy isn't about "feeling good" it's about showing respect for other people's comfort zone and attempting to not tread into areas that might make another person feel embarrassed or awkward or threatened or just uncomfortable.<br /><br />Yes, sometimes I am curious about other people's disabilities, what they are, and what caused them, sometimes because I'm curious about whether there might be any similarity between their history and mine, sometimes because I'm curious about certain things I've observed about them. And sometimes I'm curious for some of the same reasons you are curious.<br /><br />But just because you (or I) might be curious doesn't mean that Dave or any other individual has a personal obligation to hand over all their medical records and pry their brains open so we can read all their thoughts and feelings. If you're genuinely concerned about acquiring a new disability or medical condition and genuinely interested in learning how to prevent them or detect them or take care of yourself afterwards, then train yourself to read medical journals. Or seek out websites and organizations for various specific disabilities and medical conditions. Even some fairly rare, obscure conditions manage sometimes to have a foundation or something in their name that shares at least basic information about the condition, how to recognize it, and how to cope afterwards. Wouldn't these, ultimately, be more helpful than the experiences of a single individual who, even if they actually do share a condition in common with you, may still have very different symptoms and experiences than yours? Or if it is the daily nuances of coping emotionally with a condition and its medical, physical, and social consequences that you're looking for, then seek out blogs written by people who feel more comfortable sharing the kind of details you're looking for. They do exist out there, if you look hard enough. <br /><br />I don't think it is fair to single out a specific person whose personal need for privacy, and personal definitions of where his boundaries are, obviously differs from yours. I suggest that, rather than pressuring someone to share things they aren't comfortable sharing, it would be a more productive use of your energy to hit blogsearch.google.com to see if you can find what you're looking for elsewhere. (blogsearch.google is a way to use google to search just blogs, skipping other types of websites) <br /><br />I see no contradiction in his being open in some areas and less open in others ... re-read what I say above about people needing to draw their personal boundaries in different places. Sometimes it's just the way a person is, and if we value them as a person then we will respect that and leave it alone.AndreaSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-85009310771687893002010-09-03T11:54:00.959-04:002010-09-03T11:54:00.959-04:00I, too, believe that what you share and when you s...I, too, believe that what you share and when you share it is completely your call. As a person who has worked with people with Developmental Disabilites, I see the complete lack of privacy that you speak of. I can't imagine it in my life and certainly would not expect that you would put everything out there on your blog. It's not fair for people to not have a right to privacy. It is your life....share with us what you will.leighbe72https://www.blogger.com/profile/04739266704397531717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35743239.post-7870177124131654092010-09-03T11:52:44.167-04:002010-09-03T11:52:44.167-04:00Evelyn, I think it's interesting that you list...Evelyn, I think it's interesting that you list what you need to know about Dave and yet use a name with no link and provide no, that's none, information about who you are. What gives you the right to give a list of questions, is this an interview, and if so, for what position and what's the salary. I found your note incredibly selfish and immature.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com